Blanket Of Stars | jensoo

speeding cars

When I hear the wind picking up outside and feel the temperature of the room drop even cooler, I pick up the pillow I've been resting on for a while now, Jennie's pillow, the pillow that is still cold, and I carefully place it on the floor not far from her. I like pulling the covers off her bed every night to put over her as she sleeps on the floor.

I like being able to keep her warm. She has a habit of always kicking some of the blankets off or having a limb out of them. I always make sure she has most of them so it's difficult for her to move her arms or legs outside.

I love being brought out of my thoughts when I catch her smiling faintly through the corner of my eye. I always have to make sure she's not going to do it again before I can look away because I'd never want to miss her smile.

Sometimes at night I have that thing, that thing where your eyes almost trick you into believing you're touching something. If I position myself just right, I can trace my finger over the air and it looks like I'm touching her. I repeatedly move it across her lips, and then her chin that sometimes I want to press the softest kiss to more than anything.

I want to have one arm draped over her stomach and rest my head on her chest so I can feel alive again. And the heartbeat I'll hear could be mine, just for a minute. I could pretend for just a minute. And maybe if miracles could happen, I'd fall asleep with her.

Maybe I'd dream of us and everything I know we could be if things were different, and maybe I'd dream of my family and everything we were when things were different.

I want to actually be able to touch her hand if it's resting on top of the covers during a cold night. I want to rest my own hand over it or put it back under the covers, and I want the only reason for my lips to ever be cool is when they've been pressed against the cold skin of her hand that insists on torturing me by being so close to my own.

Even if sometimes she snaps at me and yells for no reason, I still want to get so close that all I breathe is her. Later, when she unnecessarily explains that she's due on her period and she didn't mean it, all I still want to do is get closer to her.

When I open my eyes and look back to Jennie, her eyes are open. I don't know how long she's been watching me think. All I do is stare back at her and eventually she gives in first, showing me a slow, sleepy smile.

"I've missed this," she tells me quietly, pausing for only a second, "sleeping and waking up next to you."

My hand props up my head so I can get a better look at her. "I'm always here, you know that."

She blinks tiredly and her speech is slower than usual. "I could seriously just move over right now and fall asleep on you."

"I know."

"No, I mean really."

"I know," I reiterate.

She settles into her white pillow. "I just dreamed about you."

I smile at that. "Yeah? What was I doing?"

Her voice is content when she replies, "You were dancing with me."

The tone of her warm voice almost gives me goosebumps. "I'll dance with you some day, Jennie," I promise.

"You swear?" she asks.

And I do. "I swear."

Jennie's nod is gentle and I only just catch the movement. "Will you go to sleep for me?" she asks quietly.

My mouth barely opens when I stop. She knows I can't.

"Will you just pretend?" she almost whispers, holding unwavering eye-contact.