Blanket Of Stars | jensoo

keep myself awake

Jennie stopped sleeping on the floor that night and I can't tell you how happy that made me. This bed is far too big without her in it. Any bed is too big without her in it. I didn't push my luck and hold her like I wanted to, but I moved closer to her as soon as she was asleep.
I got close enough that I could almost feel her body heat.

All I wanted to do was to wake her up with kisses but I couldn't because it was getting to the point where if I started, I wouldn't be able to stop. I'd block out the pain and something worse would happen, something worse than her not seeing me for half an hour.

I've been intimate with girls in the past but I've never wanted anybody as much as I want her. I've never wanted to see a body as much as I want to see hers. She moved a little closer during the night when I lifted my eyes to her closed lids and finally whispered that I loved her, too. I didn't pull away.

I didn't realise until the morning, but I rested with my leg hanging over the edge of the mattress for most of the night.

Jennie hasn't said it again yet, not verbally, she tells me through everything else. Yesterday she told me she would stay up all night with me tonight and I said I didn't believe her, that she wouldn't get past three a.m.. I was proved wrong. It's almost six now and she's hyped up on a pot of coffee. She's cute when she has far too much caffeine in her system. It seems to have the same effect vodka used to have on me because she's being very honest about how much she wants me.

If it were anybody else I might have thought it was tacky, but not with her. Jennie's words weren't crude, they were beautiful.

When she walks back into the room she announces that her urine was at least seventy-percent caffeine, she's sure of it. I pull a mildly disgusted face but I don't mean it. I find her adorable even if she's tapping a rapid beat onto the arm of the couch and won't keep still.

"God, I could stay awake forever, Jisoo," she says energetically.

I smile at her behaviour. "Uh-huh, tell me that in two hours when you come down from your high."

"I totally will." She continues tapping her fingers. "Why don't I ever see you yawn?"

"I don't need to sleep," I remind her.

"The other night," she starts.

"Hmm?" I prod gently

Her tapping ceases. "When I was watching you sleep...I don't know, I just really liked it. It was like, for an hour, we were just like every other couple in bed at night."

"Well...almost," leaves my lips in a slight mumble, my eyes boldly looking into hers.

"Yeah, almost," she agrees, trailing her eyes downward to rest on my lips.

Despite the fact she had to ask me to pretend to sleep those few nights ago, it's something I still try to do when she's already sleeping and I think of things I'm not supposed to be thinking about. Things that flush my cheeks without me feeling embarrassed.

"I still try to sleep sometimes. Doesn't work, though. It's just a habit." I give her a wry smile. "It's kind of annoying having your eyes open all the time."

I don't need to have my eyes open to see her face.

"I liked it."

I'll remember that for another time. "Do you want to go out?" I ask her.

She looks out of the window briefly to the street we live on. "And go where?"

"We could watch the sunrise, or hopscotch," I add on in jest.

Smiling, she rubs her hands down her thighs and they stop at her knees. "As thrilling as watching you bend over sounds, I'm going to opt for the sunrise."