Wondering

the worst night

I have never had
a night like this before,
I have never been
in so much pain.

No matter how bad
some nights used to be,
this one was different,
this one was the worst.

My body became a shell,
a home for another kind of pain.

I am not sure
if it will ever
leave me again.

I can not stand
another night like this.
I have never wanted
to die so badly
ever in my life before.