She's Broken

Chapter 20

Chapter20 - 9 months earlier.

                Finn froze from above me, the pain going from an ache to a stinging sensation when he stopped. The front door had opened, followed by the sound of keys hitting the kitchen. In a few swift movements, Finn was gone from above and doing his trousers up, looking down at me. He leaned over, leaving his face merely inches from mine. I could smell my perfume on him, mixing with his own scent. The thought made me want to puke.

                “Say nothing.” With that, he was gone. He didn’t need to add the silent ‘or else’ because I knew what he would do if I did anything wrong. I’d found out plenty of times before and didn’t fancy going through anything like that again.

                “I’m home!” Mum hollered up the stairs. I clamped my eyes shut, trying to wish everything that just happened away. On instinct, I twisted in the bedcovers, trying to hide my trembling form to look like I was sleeping. My door opened, almost hesitantly before it closed again and the sound of my mum’s retreating footsteps left a pang in my stomach.

                After that, it was almost as if she’d disappeared. Desperate to get rid of the smell, the feel and the disgust, I got to my feet and padded over to my dressing table in the corner. Usually, I avoided a mirror after my brother had finished playing because I only felt like smashing it. Looking at myself then, all tousled and broken, I just wanted to beg it to make me better.

                Leaning over, I switched on the dim bedside lamp, allowing me to see so that I could flatten my hair. It was everywhere, manic, scared and on route to escape. Taking the brush, I tamed it down, watching as the strands fell back into place, so easily mended.

                The tear stains on my cheeks were gleaming and I took out my cleansing wipe, quickly scrubbing at the skin. I scrubbed until it stung, trying to get rid of it, but was, of course, unsuccessful.

                Before I could even register what was happening, my door swung open and Mum’s head appeared around the side, smiling softly at me.

                “Mum?” I asked, she sighed, pushing herself inside and closing the door behind her. The sound was soft, maybe quiet enough that Finn didn’t know she was in there. I glanced over at the bed, hoping that he’d been gentle enough for no blood. It was only wishful thinking, he didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘gentle’.

                Mum wandered over to the bed, sitting down and looking at me. She didn’t seem to notice that I looked scared out of my wits and my heart was beating so loudly that I was almost sure she could hear it.

                “What are you doing home?” I croaked. She frowned at my voice and sighed, running her hand through her hair.

                “Let’s just say that your aunt and I had a bit of a falling out,” she conceded, folding her hands into her lap.

                “What happened?” I asked. She shook her head, dismissing the subject with the wave of her hand. She leaned back, running her hands along the sheet until she cocked her head at me.

                “What’s the matter?” she asked.I offered a smile, fighting the tears that were battling to get out.

                “Nothing.” She nodded, letting out a sigh.

                She pushed her hands back in preparation to get up, when she stopped short, her eyes widening. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, encouraging her to leave.

                When she pulled her hand up, there was red glazing it. I almost choked on a sob, but kept myself at bay when she gave me a stunned look.

                “Let me see your wrists, Kathryn,” she ordered. I frowned for a moment, confused, until I got what she meant.

                “I’m not a harmer, Mum.” She shook her head, getting to her feet. My thighs were pressed together, the wounded area hidden under my shorts when she approached, a look on her face that I couldn’t quite decipher.

                “Let me see,” she repeated, reaching forwards. My hands, still trembling, went forwards for her to see. She reached out to touch them but I pulled them away, running my own thumb over the smooth, untouched skin. She let out a sigh of relief. Peering up at her through my fringe, I hoped it was over.

                “Legs,” she said suddenly. I pushed the chair back, looking at her with furrowed brows.

                “What?”

                “Let me see your shins.” I did as she asked, stretching my legs out in front of me. She turned the main light on, inspecting the pale skin. She found nothing there.

                Stealing a glance at the bed, I noticed how much blood there actually was and didn’t really blame her for being forceful about it, I’d of been worried, too.

                “What happened?” She broke the silence with the question asked in a steely voice. Her eyes bore into mine, not wearing anger, but a shade of concern. I swallowed the lump in my throat and blocked my brain out.

                “Nothing.” She didn’t take that for an answer. She stalked forwards, giving me a pleading look.

                Her mouth opened to say something, but then shut again, studying me when I flinched backwards.

                “What is that?” she asked. I couldn’t stop her before she pushed the bottom of a pair of shorts up, revealing more blood. She let out another sigh, one of relief.

                “Do you want to borrow a pad?” she asked. A wave of disappointment rushed over me, drowning me in the feeling that it wasn’t the day it was stopping. Before I could even stop it, four words blurted out of my mouth. The most honest ones I’d said in weeks.

                “It’s not my period.” She frowned, confusion taking over her features. “I need you to help me,” I whispered, pushing the bottom of my shorts down again, hiding the violated skin. The expression of concern only grew when she nodded, leaning forward.

                “You can tell me anything,” she insisted. I took a deep breath, knowing there was no going back. Knowing this was my way out. Knowing she could help me. But no matter how hard I tried to throw the words at my mother, they wouldn't come.

                "Kat," she pushed, giving me her best pleading look. I closed my eyes for a moment, counting my heart beat, feeling it speed up and the tears build a barrier against my eyes. I blinked them back, looking at her with the calmest expression I could muster.

                “Finn does things to me, Mum, things he shouldn’t.” 

A/N: Short, but it needs to be, just a quick insight :') 

Okaaay, sorry about the speed at which this was updated, but I went back to college and I have a mahooooosive pile of work to do, honestly, I feel ill just thinking about it. So you may have to give me a little bit of leeway with the updates, considering that I'm going to be super busy :') Thanks!