Sanem and Can- A new Story

Part 4 - Mind and Heart at War

Can's POV

As I pull in the car at the driveway of home, Sanem tells me that she would like to do the packing for our honeymoon, to which I tell her that I will pack both our stuff and she should rest, for how much see denies it, I can see that she has not slept properly and it will take a toll on her sooner or later. She reluctantly agreed, but swiftly drifted to sleep the minute her head hit the pillow. In 30 mins I got both our stuff packed and our travel clothes for tomorrow ready.
With nothing else remaining to do I slide on the bed beside Sanem and inhale her scent which is soothing to my heart.
I don't want to sleep so I try to recall the conversion with my wife. Our lunch turned out to be quite eventful, with Sanem sharing her feelings and problems with me.
Well I must say I didn't expect Sanem's father to be male chauvinist. As of Sanem, I am having keen interest on her opinions, decisions and actions. She seems to have me hooked as if a suspense mystery novel. I wanted to ask her what she wants to do with our marriage but I didn't as I myself don't know what I want to hear from her. Right now the job offer is most important to Sanem, to which I will support her to the fullest. And while she reaches her goal, I can have enough time to sort my mind and priorities. Maybe we may get to know each other and become best friends. Or maybe fall in love.... Na what am I thinking, Sanem doesn't want this marriage and maybe me too, we are poles apart, she is decisive about her future goals and look at me I cannot settle at one place straight. Even after getting all my practical and logical thoughts together that we are not meant for each other, I don't have the heart to accept that we might separate in the future. I am at such a perplexed state of mind right now it seems my mind says something and my heart something else. While I seem to think more rational I feel more sick and confused, I think I will blame it on the tiredness of a rushed wedding. Yes I will just leave this topic and calm my restless heart and mind.

_--------_

I was yet in deep thought when Sanem touched my shoulder and asked me if I want some tea to which I readily agreed. I asked her if she slept well and she smiled and nodded, and made her way to the kitchen. When she came back with tea, I was busy on a call related to my work, I asked them to transfer me to Australia, to which they agreed thankfully. As I ended the call and looked at Sanem she just stared at me, and I asked her what it was.

Have you asked for a transfer for me? She replied.

Sanem, look I know this is your dream and I know we don't expect anything from each other but I would like to support you and reach you to your dreams, if you would allow me, OK fine let scratch the last phrase because I am going to stick to you whether you like it or not; I answered her in one breath.

Can, thank you for supporting me but I would like to head my dreams alone you don't need to relocate for me. She replied and it hit me hard that she doesn't want us to be together like I wanted.

Why ; I ask trying to sound normal even though her words have me wrecked inside, and I myself can't understand why.

After a pregnant pause, she answered; I don't want to get attached to you Can. I am grateful for you but as I said I don't want this marriage and after reaching my dreams with your support it will only get me attached to you more and then it will be even harder for me to let go, Sanem said.

After hearing what she said a part of me was happy that she would get attached to me and the other part of me was angry with her of how could she think I would want to go. And unknowingly in my anger I didn't realize that I grabbed Sanem's arms and pulled her to me so close that our noses were almost touching and said; Sanem, as I said before I am going to stick to you whether you like it or not and I am not going to leave you alone in a country unknown to you, and though we don't want it we are in this marriage together and we will be together till the end of it ; and with what I said next was a shocker for her and surprise for me and I know it came straight from my heart:

Because I have no intentions of letting you go away from me- Ever!!

--------//////--------