Warning: this has mentions of self-harm Also I just want to say that if you guys are ever going through something or just need to talk my dms are always open. Love you guys😘 I hope you like it❤️
Abri's POV
I miss him. I want him. I need him
My boyfriend of 4 years, Singer, songwriter, Shawn Mendes has been on tour for the pass 2 months and it's getting harder and harder to be away from him
When we first got together I was going through a really hard time, I used to hurt myself, but after about a year of us being together I told Shawn about it and he helped me through it and I eventually stopped, but ever since he left for tour it's gotten harder and harder to keep those thoughts out of my head.
So here I am sitting in bed crying my eyes out waiting for him to call. He calls me every night and I try to hide my pain and be happy but he's starting to get suspicious. At the moment I look like crap because I'm in sweats with mascara running down my face
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I was quickly ripped away from my thoughts when I heard my phone ring signaling that Shawn was FaceTimeing me
I quickly wiped off my face and answered the call
"Hey baby" I said with a huge fake smile "we need to talk" he said softly
"About what?" I asked getting nervous "about you, I know you're not happy baby and I don't want to see you're fake smiles anymore I want to see you're real smile" he said
"I'm fine Shawn. How was you're show?" I asked trying to change the subject "please don't try and change the subject Abri. I don't want to see you hurting,please talk to me baby. I want to help you" he said sounding hurt because I kept refusing to talk about it
I sighed heavily before speaking again "do you want the honest truth?" I asked "of course I do"he said in a duh tone
"I miss you. Ever since you left for tour I-i just..." I trailed off with tears streaming down my face "I need you" I spoke barely above a whisper
"Baby I wish I could be there with you" he said looking away with a single tear going down his face "baby I'm gonna ask you a question and I need you to answer 100% honestly" he said now looking straight at the screen with a pained look on his face clearly sad because he hates seeing me upset
"Ok" I said wiping my tears "have you been getting those thoughts again?" He said,his voice clouded with sadness. I just looked away not wanting to tell him, because to be 100% honest I have been getting those horrible thoughts again. He immediately knew the answer when I looked away
"Baby, please don't hurt yourself. It's gonna get better better I promise"he said full on crying at this point "but it's not Shawn!!" I yelled while sobbing "it's not gonna get better because you're not here!!! And I know you're doing what you love and I love that for you and I support it, but I need you Shawn" I said whispering the last sentence
I saw the door to his dressing room open and Andrew walked in telling him he had to get on stage. He looked at me and sighed, wiping the tears that were falling down his face "I have to get on stage baby, but please promise me you won't do anything stupid, I'll call you back the second I get off the stage" he said
"I promise" I said quietly "I love you so much princess" he said blowing me a kiss I pretended to catch it, and with a sad smile I said " I love you too" before hanging up
I sighed pulling my blanket over my body wanting nothing more than to wake up and be in Shawns arms. About 20 minutes later I felt sleep take over me
3:00 am
I was awoken by someone ringing my doorbell. I groaned looking over at the clock seeing that it's 3:00 in the morning. What idiot is ringing my doorbell at 3:00 in the morning? I questioned in my head
I got up, put my robe on and walked downstairs. I reluctantly pulled open the front door and I immediately gasped at what I saw
"What are you doing here!?!" I asked/yelled while jumping into his arms "I needed to be with you" Shawn mumbled into my hair
"Wait, aren't you supposed to be in Paris right now?" I questioned with happy tears running down my face as he put me down "I canceled the show"he said sitting on the couch pulling me into hi arms so we could cuddle
"You did what!?!" I yelled "Andrews gonna kill you?!" I yelled "he agreed that I needed to be here with you right now"Shawn said while playing with my hair "I'm sorry" I said quietly
"Why are you apologizing my love?"He asked me with a confused look on his face"because you love performing and I messed that up" I told him "baby, look at me" he said holding my face in his hands before continuing "you are my happiness, my heart, my muse,my everything. So if I have to cancel a show to be with you when you're hurting then so be it, because I can't get up stage and smile when my reason to smile is sitting at home hurting. I love you to much to let you sit here and hurt"he said kissing my head
"That was the sweetest thing I've ever heard" I said with a huge smile on my with a few more happy tears making their way down my face
"I love you so much Abri" he said leaning in to kiss me
"I love you so much more Shawn"I mumbled into the kiss
