Connecting/Thoughts

Thought #2

I try to take a deep breath to calm myself but the air gets caught in my throat, I suffocate on my pain. I try to steady my trembling but it only gets worse. The feelings take me in and make breaks me when I least expect it I finally realize that I'm on the concrete trying to fight back. I feel alone in the battle, feel as if no one can help so I don't tell who gives me the bruises, I hide the pain and make a mask out of it. I wear the mask then take it off when I'm alone then the pain surges through my body as I break down and cry myself to sleep and take a break from my nightmare known as reality. I get up every day against my will and put the mask on. I hide then take it off again. I become afraid of myself. I become aware of what I do and what I have done. I become aware of what I have broken and all of the mistakes I have made. I scream in fear and take cautious steps. No matter what I do I mess up. The mask I wear is not enough so I punish myself. I create more pain to take my mind off of the toxic things that fill me with pain. The pain only subsides for a minute so I drag the dagger further into the already fresh cut wound. The blood draining out of me as if it were only a little bit of the pain. Yet I feel it all over again. I can't seem to find myself. I do it again the next day. I take off the mask and I take the pain away for only a few seconds. The number of seconds that I feel no pain can never cover up for the many times I mess up. I mess up so many times, I know I will so why do I even try? They say the truth hurts. I look into the mirror without the mask. I always mess up. I can never do anything right, all I do is cause a problem after another. So, if the truth hurts, this must be the truth. The truth is, I am just another problem and another mess to clean up. I am a mistake.

~Windfeather1~