Nothing Was The Same

Secrets about Starr....

Starr was only 15 when she started taking her writing seriously. May bought her a journal and every since, nothing was ever the same. Writing was her get away. Smoking weed was too, but nothing could beat writing. If she couldn't write, she didn't wanna do anything. She actually started writing when she was around the age of 11. But she stopped because May had found something that she wrote when May's boyfriend use to abuse her. Starr felt as if, she couldn't and wouldn't write if people like May would invade her only get away. She got her first real journal on June 25, 2016. A summer after her 9th grade year, I suppose. Before her second year of high school, Sophomore summer, as people would say, Starr "ran away". May had found out a lot of things by going thru Starr's phone. Always invasion of privacy. But you know, if it were the other way around May would shit bricks. May hated when people invaded her privacy. Starr hated when May invaded hers. Every time she invaded her privacy, she would find things out about Starr that she probably never wanted to know. And got herself all up tight and shit. People always say "when you go looking for things you're bound to get hurt, when you let things come to you everything is easier". May didn't care though. Starr was her first born. It was her job to be concerned about Starr, especially in this generation. Because if she wasn't concerned about her, Starr would be only God knows what.

Starr always questioned why things happened to her. Or why life was the way that it is specifically. Shit was crazy. She wanted to know life's deepest secret. Hell, I'm sure everyone wants to know life's deepest secret. But what if it's best that we don't know?  Sometimes the best answer is the unknown answer. Everything is always supposed to be figured out. That's what Starr always told herself. If there's an answer for everything, then there will always be a problem. Starr was not no average teenager. Her mind was always outside of this world. And I believe that, that's what people loved most about that girl. She was resilient as hell. You could never meet anyone as resilient as she is.

I'm Starr. I am emotionally strong, independent, artistic, intelligent, pretty, wanted, loved, and that bitch. PERIOD. And I am now the age of 17 years young. These past  4 years has been my  hardest yet. But I am making  it  my best. There's no doubt in my mind that I won't make it. I'm as solid as they come. I don't really care who folds on me, or who I fold on, as long as I don't fold on myself I'll forever be good. Growing up, nobody never really had positive things to say. And if they did, I was very surprised. I was told lies growing up. So living now, I never know who or what to believe. I do believe that May fucked my head up in a mysterious way. A couple mysterious ways to be exact. And I realized that, the more power of my thoughts I have, the further I am bound to get in life. Growing up, I was once told I have two fathers. Not really knowing who my DNA is. Just back and forth seeing  two different men, who I call "dad".  I am currently in a point in my life where that does not matter though. What matter is, who I use to be, who I'll soon become, and how I'm going to become it. I would consider my life  as,  thoughtful. If that makes sense to you, then you may know where this story is going. But stick around even longer to find out...

I said that I was emotionally strong because it is true. I use to let my emotions get the best of me and sometimes I believed that, they could not be controlled. But they can. I'm human, and if you're reading this you're human as well. Having emotions is normal. Trying to control them may be the hardest shit ever, but I had to remind myself, "I got this.". My emotions are what defines me, I can control the way I feel, by simply controlling how I choose to think. If you think positive, you'll be happy. If you think negative, you'll drown in that shit and never get anywhere. Writing helped me  a lot through out my teenage years. Writing for me, is a sign of self-awareness. I always thought that, if people can peep shit about me, I know for a fact that they're talking shit. But if I peep my own shit, I'll know how to control how I should  carry myself. The way people think or feel about me doesn't affect me. It used too, but I had to understand that, as I grow older shit will get worse. And in all honesty, I'm up for it. Physically, mentally, and most importantly, emotionally. If  I know myself better than anyone else, I know that nobody's opinion will never fucking matter.  BECAUSE IT WON'T.  I consider myself independent because, I like to figure things out on my own to see how far I'll get. And so far, I'm getting to where GOD wants me to be. Writing this story as this very moment, makes me artistic . I'm always open and up for a challenge when it comes to shit that seems im-fucking-possible. Now, being Starr JOY isn't easy. I ain't saying it's hard either, but I learned that, in life, you just, and MUST always be ready for anything. Good or bad. You gotta deal with that shit. And never try to run away from it. Because if you do, that's a sign of weakness. And you aren't weak. If you're reading this, know that, you are the strongest person yet. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise, because they are not living your life. YOU ARE. My 17 years of living, I feel as if I had to grow up way before my time. Which is what makes me the person I am today. I don't regret anything in my past. I enjoy every single moment I've ever encountered. You're probably like, "how so?", it's because I learned something, you should take advantage of life. You only get one. Nothing in this world is promised. So make the best of everything while you can. 

Being a teenager is hard. It's hard mentally. And maybe emotionally. Sometimes. But hear me out. Sit back, and continue to read and understand my story. Please, and thank you.