Happiness is Yours

1. You Are What You Say You Are

Millions of people sabotage themselves every day by telling stories about themselves.

"I could never do that."

"They'll never pick me."

"No one wants to be my friend."

"I always choose the wrong thing."

The thing about these stories is they're only true if you believe them. The other thing about these stories is, if you tell them to yourself enough times, you will believe them.

For most of my life, I thought I was indecisive, bad at dealing with people, and incapable of writing a full novel. Turns out none of those things were true. They were just one fear or another manifesting itself into beliefs.

If you're here reading this, then most likely you already harbor such beliefs. You have a negative view of yourself that you can't seem to shake. Or maybe you haven't even tried to shake it because you think, "What's the point? This is how I am."

Reality check: This is NOT the real you. The real you is locked deep inside, too afraid to come out. There are many, many steps to building self-confidence, but with each baby step we take here, you can turn that around.

Catch Unconscious Behavior

When we don't monitor our thoughts, they run rampant, often in undesirable directions. Your task is to start being very conscious of them. YOU control your thoughts. No one else. And certainly not the thoughts themselves. You are a thinking human being. You have control.

Let's say you receive a bad grade on a test. You might think, "Ugh, I'm never going to get this stuff. I'm not smart enough." Stop that thought right there. Redirect it. "Math may not be my thing, so I'll just have to work harder. At least I'm good at English Literature."

Here's another one. Let's say the guy or girl you like has never talked to you. Perhaps this might run through your mind: "I'm always invisible. No one wants to talk to me." Notice the blanket statement? Whenever you find yourself using terms like always, never, no one, ever, or everyone, that's a red flag. Few things are true 100% of the time.

Rewrite the Story

If you want to be more likeable, more confident, or more anything, you have to start with what you tell yourself. Say positive things about yourself. If you are a victim of negative beliefs, then it may feel like you're lying to yourself. Well, you're not. You are rewriting your truth.

To begin, stop telling yourself what you can't do and focus on the things you can. Start with what you know.

"I'm good at drawing cartoons."

"I am a kind person."

"My friends think I'm funny."

Some of you cynical folks out there might be tempted to twist this exercise into self-flagellation. "I'm good at repulsing people" or "I can eat twelve hot dogs in one sitting." The idea here is to point out your good traits. You might be so deep down a hole that you don't think you have any. Try asking a friend what some of your good qualities are. Write them down. Periodically look at this list to remind yourself that there are some great things about you.

This isn't going to solve all your problems, but it's a baby step. Before you can rise above a situation, you have to have hope. You have to convince yourself you are worth saving. I certainly think you are, and I don't even know you.

We all have goodness within us. I believe this. It is my hope that you will eventually realize this too.