My Musings

Practiced Rage

Do you ever get angry and lose control of your temper? I do. Thankfully, I'm doing better these days than I did in the past, but it's still an issue I have to work on. I thought I would offer here a few things I've learned over the years, and maybe someone else won't have to discover them the hard way like I did.

Gasoline and Matches –

When it came to people who irritated me, I always saw myself as being like gasoline and they were the match. I wouldn't have a problem if they'd stop doing things to set me off! It took me a long time to realize I wouldn't be able to fix everyone in the world who did stupid stuff. There was only one person in the world I could change - me.

Instead of being gasoline and blowing up every time the match people came into my life, I had to be water. If I could stay calm and serene, the irritation could still hit me, but instead of starting a blazing inferno, it would fizzle out to nothing. In this way, they could keep acting like idiots, but it wouldn't bother me anymore.

Accomplishing this has been a LONG process, and it started with finding the reasons behind the rage and the areas where I was the most flammable.

Shouting -

My previous job required me to wear earplugs because the noise of the machinery was so loud. If you wanted to talk to someone standing next to you, it was necessary to shout. Frequently, the machines would break down, and I'd have to explain it to either the manager or the worker sent to repair it. This is where the rage would start. I wasn't angry about the problem or the broken machine, but while explaining the situation AT THE TOP OF MY VOICE, I would become angry.

Proverbs 15:1 says – A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

I came to realize this scripture about stirring up anger didn't just apply to the moods of others but to my own mood as well. Controlling the tone of your voice can better help you control your temper. It did for me.

Practice Makes Imperfect Too –

The mind follows familiar patterns of behavior. It's why a person can practice a particular skill and become so good at it, they don't even have to think about it anymore. Their brain knows what is required and takes over automatically. The same happens with emotions.

Have you ever had a moment after something went bad when you replayed the incident while thinking, "I wish I'd said this.." or "I should have told them off like this..", perhaps even, "I should've punched them in the face!" I did this for years until I realized I wasn't venting. I was training my brain.

There were times something minor would happen, and I would get boiling mad and not really know why I was bothered by something so small. Imagine a room filled with cans and each can holds a memory. Every time you have an experience with anger, a bright red string is tied to that can. When an irritation occurs, the brain pulls those red strings, and all the tied cans come flying off the shelf. I'd become angry so often that when something would happen, my mind would see all those connected strings and say, "I know what's coming next!" and jump straight to rage.

Because I had unknowingly practiced being angry when I was venting, I came to understand the reverse could also be true. After a time when I lost my temper, I'd think back on it and replay the moment as it should've been. "Instead of yelling this, I should have calmly said this..." Reason out the situation and approach it outside of the heat of the moment. If you can be in control in the times after an incident, you can give your mind a better pattern to follow.

Final thought –

I hope this information can be helpful because people who are in control have less bad days and are less likely to ruin someone else's day and spread the contagion of rage to them. The things we say and do have far reaching ripples that affect more people than we realize, so make sure the ripples you create are good ones.