In Another Universe

Friday 22:58 I'm so tired...

Being lonely and being alone isn't the same thing and Charlie was making the painful realisation of this while Jack was shaking him to "try to make him play".

For a friday night, they decided to have a video game play off. At first, Charlie was excited. He hadn't had much time to spend with his friends and he messed up several parties by not showing up. He was glad they asked him to come and they could all be together. He even won a game against William. But the more the party went, and with his second beer, he realised that none of them knew what was going on in his life. They didn't know about Isaac, about the fight with Evie. They somewhat knew for his parents, but they still thought it was his main problem, which it wasn't. They were happy, having fun, laughing, and he was just sitting in an armchair in the corner, his beer on his laps and no motivation to participate in the fun.

It would be easy to ask them if they could just talk about this, but he didn't want to bother them for one. And who knows how they would react? They would first have to take in his relationship with another guy before being able to actually get into his real problems. He didn't have the energy to do that. And even less energy to deal with the possibility of them reacting badly. Silence seemed to be the better option, even if Will kept looking at him with a worried look.

"Look at that party!" Thomas yelled, showing them an Instagram story of people lip-syncing to a loud song.

"Where's that?" Jack asked excitedly.

Hopefully far away, Charlie thought.

"Apparently... It's... you remember Lea's friend? Well that's her party, I think. It's nearby!"

"Then we need to go! I'm sure Charlie could get us in!"

"Why me?" Charlie asked.

"Because you know Lea, she'll let us in."

"Not if I'm here. She hates me now."

"No one can be mad at that face," Jack said, pinching his cheek. "Please! You owe all of us."

Charlie sighed and shrugged.

"Okay fine."

After a general outburst of happiness, they all started to get ready, more or less excitedly. More being Jack, jumping around. Less being Charlie who just put his shoes back on.

They quickly left Thomas's flat and took a bus to the location of the party. Where they were rejected. Jack tried to argue with the guy at the door, telling him that they knew people inside and that a few more people wouldn't matter anyway but nothing really worked. He tried to bring up Charlie and Lea but the guy still said that he had no way to know they were telling the truth.

Charlie was already ready to give up and leave so he could go back home and sleep through the weekend. But a familiar head of curls grabbed his attention as it passed within the limited vision the door frame allowed. Isaac was here and Charlie was overcame by a wave of courage. The guy gave him ten minutes to go find someone that would grant them access after a few minutes of bargaining.

He ran into the party, trying to find Isaac. Sure, maybe he should have tried to find someone else that would have allowed his friends in as well but he wasn't really thinking straight. In all senses of the term. There was so many people that all those faces made him dizzy. How was he supposed to find someone in that mess?

Before he could think that out, he felt his jacket being grabbed and pulled on. Turning around, he saw Lea. Lea, lowered eyebrows, and clenched fists. Understandably, she wasn't happy to see him. He could get that. He didn't want to see her either.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here?"

"I'm just... My friends wanted to come... I'm sorry..."

"Oh! So you apologise for that, but not for being an asshole last friday, uh?" She said, her jaw clenched so hard he didn't know if she was really angry or just trying to fight off tears. Both, probably.

"Sorry..."

"Leave me alone, and just go!" She teared up and stepped towards him, poofing up. "You're a liar and you need to get off my face."

"I'm so-"

"Stop! I don't bloody care about your apology," she yelled. "I don't care that you're fucking gay, I care that you're a bad person that doesn't care when you hurt others. You don't even care right now."

He wanted to defend himself but the most he could do was try to apologise again. She was right, he didn't care. And she shouldn't have done what he did but it was too late now.

"I didn't mean to..."

"Too late. And you didn't mean to go with me to parties and pretend to care? You didn't mean it when you left with Isaac, uh? Liar."

"I didn't... Not.... Isaac." His shoulders slumped and he looked down.

"Yes, Isaac... Emily told me. At least, he came back to his senses."

He followed Lea's gaze and saw Isaac sat down in the back of the room. He didn't seem sad even if he just sort of broke up with him. On the contrary, he was laughing with the person next to him that Charlie couldn't see.

"Maybe he realised you're not that good of a person," Lea said.

He could have been offended, more than about the fact that she yelled that he was gay for all to hear. But her voice disappeared when the person next to Isaac revealed themselves to be Emily. She leaned toward him and kissed him like nothing ever happened, without a care in the world. But the worst part was that Isaac appeared quite happy about it. Or at least, he didn't make a move to reject her.

At this point, Lea was still talking but Charlie didn't hear anything anymore. He needed to leave before ending up breaking down in the middle of the party. So he made his way for the door, the music tuned out and ignoring everyone else. He clasped his hands over his head and tried not to think. He couldn't allow himself to think.

He got out eventually and his friends followed him into the street, confused.

"Charlie?! Wait what happened?" Thomas asked, putting his hand on his shoulder.

Charlie flicked his arm away. He needed to leave, to be alone.

"Hey, mate. Calm down! What's the matter with you?"

As he got closer to him, Charlie pushed him away with all this strength, which made him trip and almost fall. But Charlie wasn't around anymore to see the consequences of his actions.

He walked around aimlessly, his arms wrapped around himself to try to distract himself from the tears forming in his eyes. He didn't understand anything anymore.

All seemed to go well between the two of them and suddenly, he was back with Emily, happily kissing her. How? Why? What it all just a lie? Was that his punishment for using Lea to appear straight? Was he just playing with him? Would he find out in a few days that it was all a game? A bet even?

He was spiralling down. He knew that, he was overthinking. But he couldn't stop. He had to understand somehow. Understand why Isaac did that to him. Why no one seemed to be able to love him, and the few times some tried, he was the one not able to love them back.