Tortuous

The connection:

"I mean our relationship isn't forced, it's like we have this everlasting connection to each other." Someone who once loved me told me that. What he didn't know was that the connection he forged up isn't everlasting, the only thing everlasting is the memories of us. Ohhh! the agony of those tormenting memories, words, and gestures that remind me everyday that he cared. I repressed my fear of love or falling in love at the core for so long that I led myself to my own death. No matter how genuinely happy I am, she always finds me. Putting me in this immense cold and fathomless place, where no one can hear me scream. No one but me. I long for the day everyone finally sees me.
Everyone saw Nico Morgan. I think I actually cared about him before we really knew each other. He was known not only because he is of high status in society, but he is authentic, impartial, generous, reliable, honest, serene and now you can see that I can write a whole book about the many characteristics that I love about him. We used to be close like finishing each other's sentences close. Nico and I used to spend hours talking about the most random things. I'd like to remind you that we were only friends for a short time but it felt like an eternity. I know it sounds like a clichè line from a typical romance movie where love conquers all. But it isn't. I always wondered why he was friends with a person so beneath him. A person like me that couldn't possibly be equal to him. Although what we had was real and like most things they come to an end. We didn't talk that much last year because things changed and by things I mean his relationship status. It's been 5 months since we have last spoken. "I don't think we should talk anymore," those were the words I chose to say before it all ended. The hurt of losing a friend isn't as bad as losing your first love. Maybe my only love.
However, this is a new year for me, Kathy Addison. I vow to make better decisions and to get Nico back. As I woke up early in the morning and got ready for school. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach as if my body knew who I was going to see today. As if all the pain from that one person was crawling it's way back up trying to manifest itself again. I found myself standing on the college's rich green atmosphere, with sky scraping trees. The college had many buildings that stood proud, gazing over the rectangle that lay before it. It's rich auburn bricks reflecting in the sun. The schools' architecture was a perfect mixture of glass and metal. It represented the new and the old, where the tradition was always defined and never dies. It's the lead of the future and I attended this school. Throughout the grounds of the university, was students undyingly loyal to one another. It was a sanctuary for students to learn about the world that awaited them.
I wasn't in the mood to talk today, but still I was pleasantly surprised to look up to find Nico Morgan standing there in front of me.
"Hey," He said with a shy grin.
"Hey," I said gripping my book bag on my shoulder.
"Can we talk?"
"About?"
"About. What we did over the summer."
"I don't know what you're talking about B..bye."
It had been 5 months since Nico and I had last spoken. I desperately wanted to forget what happened that summer. Every word, every kiss,and every touch. It all happened so fast, one minute I was preparing to have a complete and utterly miserable summer like I always do. Then I was sitting in Nico's car.
"I miss ..."
Before I knew it, he's kissing me. Why was he kissing me? We didn't come up for air, and he started kissing harder like he was never going to see me again. I felt his touch through my whole body and my problems seemed to fade to the back of my mind.
"God I miss you." He softly whispers in my ear.
"Why?"
"I.. I don't know how to explain it"
"TRY!" I said with a shrill and deafening word.
"I CAN'T!" he shouted.
I looked at him confused with regret. I tried to make sense of this, of what we were sitting here doing. He had a girlfriend for God's sake, and he was happy. I didn't regret what happened but at what I said and did after that.
"Leave her then!" I screamed.
"I.. can't we had se...x" he said in a soft voice.
"I don't think we should talk anymore," I said with a straight face.
The talking stopped and the car door slammed closed.