Oh Bo (Bo Burnham)

Chapter 9

"What is it?" I asked. My mind roaming as my heart pounded in my chest. "What was worth giving me anxiety for?"

"Um, yeah, sorry about that. But I wrote this for you" he said nervously.

"Um, these are all the things that make me sad. Picture a depressed onion cutting himself"  he started, and I laughed.

"I met a homeless man named Rich, he wasn't.

Isn't that terrible

I saw a flyer for a lost dog and the dog didn't have any legs

I saw a diabetic kid trick or treating

I saw a giraffe who had a short neck

That was sad... or a deer" he continued.

"I saw an old man get hit by a train

He didn't see it in the pouring rain

He didn't hear me shout "look out for the train"

Cause I didn't say anything

I just thought to myself oh this is gonna be sad, And it was. I'm a genius." By that time I was grinning ear to ear. He couldn't be sweeter.

"I saw a man with only one eye.... in a 3D movie

I saw a little boy drop his ice cream cone directly on his mother's corpse

I saw a kitten stuck in a tree then the kitten jumped off and he hung himself

I saw a boy who had red hair" he smiled up at me.

"I went to a store looking for something to buy

But they only sold paintings of the same sad guy

No wait

This store sells mirrors

See what I did there?" I nodded.

"Let's Rock

No

The world's so sad Megan

Pain, war, genocide, racism, sexism

But I gotta remember there are good things about it too

Like the fact that none of that's happening to me, score!" We both laughed at that.

"Still though it's hard not to be sad about it

How do y'all do it?

I've been telling you terribly sad things this whole song you haven't been sad at all, you've been happy, no

You've been laughing

That's it, laughter, it's the key to everything

It's the way to solve all the sadness in the world

I mean, not for people who are actually said, but for the people like us who gotta fucking deal with 'em all the time" I laughed yet again. It tends to happen a lot around Bo.

"Being a comedian isn't being an insensitive prick capitalizing on the most animalistic impulses of the public, it's being a hero!

The world isn't sad. The world's funny! I get it now, I'm a sociopath!" he crossed his eyes and smiled. I was doubled over laughing. 

"I saw an old man slip and fall; what a fucking idiot

I saw a woman at her daughter's funeral

Hahaha! Classic comedy!

Everything that once was sad is somehow funny now

The Holocaust and 9/11?

That shit's funny 24/7 cause tragedy will be exclusively joked about, because my empathy is bumming me out

Goodbye sadness, hello joke" he finished. I was laughing, and he was laughing, and he had the biggest smile. The moment couldn't get any better. We were my favorite place in the world, with my favorite guy in the world, and everything was perfect. He had set up a really fancy picnic with flowers and champagne glasses. He plopped two pancakes on my plate, and three on his. He filled my glass, very gingerly, with orange juice. We laughed and talked and flirted all evening (which was really morning) It was about 4:30 when I finally got home. I tip toed in and to my bed. I pracitally cloapsed. I fell asleep for what felt like a minute, when it was only and hour and a half. My dad was shaking me awake at 6:00 for some reason. 

"Megan" he said as he violently shook me awake.

"What, what?" I moaned as I rubbed my eyes.

"Your boyfriends here" he said.

"Who?" 

"Robert".

"What does he want at 6:00 in the morning".

"Beats me. Go talk to him." I got up, quickly ran a brush through my hair, and hobbled to the door. My dad was already fast asleep on the couch. I walked ouside in my lounge pants, sweatshirt, and boots. 

"What's up?" I asked in my deep, growly, morning voice.

"Well good morning to you too" he said. 

"Do you ever sleep?" I asked.

"Well, I did get over an hour of sleep last night, so I'm pretty well rested".

"Tell me your kidding". 

"No, why?"

"Your gonna get sick. And die."

"It's gonna happen eventually."

"Go back home, and go to sleep."

"Fine, but I'm here to tell you that my mom is getting worse".

"I'm so sorry", my eyes began to sting in the cold morning air, "This is all my fault" I whispered in a high pitch. I sunk into a step with my hands over my eyes. Bo sat next to me, but I just wanted him to leave. It's 6 in the morning and I practically killed his mother. 

"It's not your fault, it's not your fault" he kept saying. But it was my fault. He would've been able to help her. But he was with me. 

"Bo!" I finally snapped, "It's all my fault, and you know it, so stop f*cking saying it's not!!" 

"Megan" he started.

"I think you should go" I interupted. 

"If that's what you think is best", he said. I didn't say anything. He left, and I will still hating myself for everything. I just sat there for hours and just didn't move. My tears streaming down my face. When my dad left for work he brought me some hot cocoa and a blanket. I just sat there, thinking about all the things I could've done for it not to have happened.