stupid little things || luke hemmings

Chapter 16

Jordan's POV:

 Do you need me to get you some new red dye, you're lookin a lil faded

The message buzzes my phone in my shorts and I smile at my screen, replying to Michael.

Get me something new, surprise me :)

I go to slide it back into my shorts pocket but I pause, looking up at Big Ben. The memory floods back before I can stop it.

-

"One more daddy, pretty please!?" I begged, using the best puppy dog eyes I could manage.

"Okay Jordan, just one," he cautioned, helping me down out of my pink comforter clad bed. I scurried over to my bookshelf, grabbing my absolute favorite book.

"You just never get tired of that one do you,"  my dad smiled at me, sitting down to read 'B is for Big Ben'. I remember my eyes getting wide as I listened to him name off all the places in my favorite city of London. 

He kissed my forehead after T is for tea, and flicked the light off as he left.

-

I have a sudden need for Luke's steady arm around my shoulder as I stare up at the tower, it's gold reflecting in the April sun. It reminds me of the glint in my childish eye and I almost start to cry. My thumb scrolls to a contact I never use. 

I'm met with a voice mail; it doesn't shock me in the slightest but it still stings. Tears tighten my throat.

"Hey dad, it's Jordan. I'm in London as of now, and I'm by Big Ben, and it reminded me of you. Do you remember that book we used to read? You probably don't, I- I mean it was a while ago. Just- call me back if you get this. I love you."

I press the red button with a bitter grimace and swallow down the rejection, heading for the little coffee shop I originally set out to find. I keep my head down; something Steve made me promise to do if he was going to let me go out on my own without any security. I just needed a break. 

After ordering my coffee, I'm too upset to sit at the tiny vintage-topped table for more than 1/15th of my cup, so I take it in my hands and walk back out to the hotel. 

The boys were out on errands after an interview; hence Michael's hair dye offer. The walk would be peaceful if all the typical nagging thoughts in my head would cease for even just one god damn minute. They get so loud sometimes it's smothering. There's a reason they don't love you, it's your fault, you were a horrible kid, you did this to yourself, if your parents can't love you then how can anyone. 

I walk faster, sweeping through the revolving door a bit too quickly, marching towards the elevator and riding it up to the 3rd floor. The hotel here is a bit smaller than the one in Dublin, which is fine by me. Fishing the key out of my pocket, I swipe it and open the door slowly, in case Luke is taking a nap to gear up for the show. His voice floats over to me as I pick up in the middle of a conversation.

"...it's good so far, intimidating though- Yeah mom, Jo's doing fine. She should be back soon, I actually have some news about her-"

I back out of the room as silently as I can, easing the door shut without a sound. My back finds the wall and I sink down to the floor, head in my hands, tears flowing. I'm not in the mood to talk, and seeing Luke talking to Liz breaks down the last wall I have to hold everything back.

I hate when this happens; loosing control of my emotions all at once. On instinct, I call Ty, and I'm met with another dial tone that makes me want to throw my phone down the hallway. An idea sparks in my mind.