INDIA-
Jaz just left after helping me get settled in.
We went to the target and Wal-Mart so I could grocery shop and grab essentials for the house.
I'm still waiting to surprise her with the news that I'm staying for good.
Tomorrow I'm surprising Kianna because she doesn't know I'm even here.
She's been going through it because she had a bad break up with her ex recently and her mom got diagnosed with Cervical cancer.
She thinks I couldn't make it here because of work but I really just wanted to surprise her so it'll be even better. She's going to be even happier once she learns I'm back for good.
Right now it's almost 9 so I knew Aug would be coming soon.
I grabbed my duffle I usually take with me to shoots and packed all my essentials. I had a stylist coming but I grabbed the outfits I had in mind too just for more variety.
My phone rang interrupting my music and I knew it had to be August letting me know he was downstairs.
"Hello?" I answered his face time.
"I'm outside baby girl." He stated.
Since hearing what he told Jaz I've been over analyzing anything he has ever said to me. He's called me baby girl forever but just that quickly the meaning felt different.
"O-okay. I'm coming." I told him and we hung up.
I don't know why at this moment my hands her sweating and my heart was beating at an irregular pace.
The last few hours I've been over thinking myself into a panic knowing I had to see him tonight and talk.
Now I don't even know what the fuck I'm going to say besides hi.
I sighed grabbing everything and leaving out.
When I made it down to his car he was standing on the passenger side waiting for me.
"Hey." I smiled seeing him smiling at me.
"Hey lil bit. You got everything?" He asked me taking my duffle from me and putting it in the back seat.
"Yeah thank you." I said as he opened my door for me and closed it once I was in.
I took his gestures as an apology for how he was acting earlier and not romantically how they now appeared to me.
I took a deep breath wiping my hands on my leggings as he got in the car.
"You okay? Breathing like you 3 hunnit pounds." He asked me noticing how nervous I was.
"Just nervous for this shoot." I told him not wanting to tell him I was nervous because of him.
"You nervous for a shoot? You could do this in ya sleep." He told me.
"Thank you." I said to him for the encouragement.
"Ya welcome. You got this and I'll be right there making sure you good iight?" He said.
"Yeah." I said smiling and nodding.
This was the usual Aug smiling laughing being a gentleman to me always. Earlier I don't know what that was.
Well I guess now would be a good time I ask.
"Sooo what was that earlier? I felt like you were mad at me or something. I'm sorry if I over stepped in terms of our friendship and your relationship but I really just don't like your girl and I'm not going to act fake just because we're friends. You know that's not me I tried but you know for a fact if this was any different situation and I just met her on the street me and her would never run in the same circle. We probably would of fought by now." I told him honestly.
He sighed and ran his hand down his face.
"She honestly just put me in a bad mood earlier. I ain't mean to act like that towards you and I'm sorry it came off like that I wasn't mad at you just at the situation." He said.
"What situation?" I asked curious on what made him mad in the first place.
"Nothing it's not important." He said shaking his head.
"You sure? Aug you know you can tell me anything..." I told him pushing what Jaz told me earlier to the back of my mind.
The news about him going to jail was now back in the front of my mind and I wanted to get to the bottom of it.
"I just got a lot going on right now. The girls, Chandra, my momma." He said shaking his head.
Chandra was his brother Mel's girl friend before he was killed. She's the mother of his 3 daughters Amaiya, Kayden, and Chaylin. Chandra passed away Christmas night and even though Aug doesn't talk about it I know it's taking a toll on him.
He's taking care of his momma and his nieces now and he's hasn't had a second to breath.
It's barely been a month so I know he's feeling a lot of pressure.
I reached over to rub his arm just to comfort him but I thought twice and slowly stopped bringing my hand back.
"I proud of you Aug." I told him.
"I wish I could've been here to help you out with what I could." I told him.
"Shit me too especially since Chandra never shut up about you." He chucked bitterly.
I instantly felt terrible realizing I hadn't spoke to Chandra before her death just briefly if she was ever around Aug while we were on the phone.
Her and I were close before I left but with me being so busy out in Cali I lost track and my communication with everybody here fell off.
I couldn't help the tears that flooded my eyes as I noticed we were pulling up to the location of my shoot. It was a old house and I loved how it looked.
I noticed we were early and I was grateful for that.
Memories of me Aug and Chandra last time I was here for his birthday flooded my head.
I felt Aug wiping a tear off my face that had fell.
"She wouldn't want you cryin'." He told me.
"I know I just never imagined we'd be talking about Chandra being gone." I said feeling even more emotional once I said it out loud.
I guess I didn't deal with it being in LA. I couldn't come to her funeral because of work that I couldn't miss and that killed me. August didn't speak to me until about a week ago when he knew it was close to visiting time. He was angry about me "not showing up" but after we had a brief talk in between a flight I had he understood and let it go.
Now that I'm back here it's hitting all over again. For us to lose her on Christmas Day I just drowned myself in work from Cali to Switzerland. I couldn't let the emotions drown me.
"I'm sorry. It's just hitting me forreal now." I told him as I hid my face in my hands.
Last thing I expected was to be crying right now.
The fact that I wasn't going to walk into his momma house tomorrow and see Chandra killed me.
Those kind of realizations are the worse when you lose somebody you love.
"You don' gotta apologize. She was yo' sista' too." He told me rubbing my back.
"I should've been here more." I said shaking my head as I wiped my face.
Luckily I'll be wearing make up so I won't look like a sad dog in these pictures.
"She knew you loved her. Don't do that to yourself." He told me.
I just sat quietly gathering myself as best I could before everybody arrived for the shoot.
I was so caught up in Aug being "different" I never thought to think about everything he's dealing with here while I was living my best life in Cali for the last 5 years.
