Screaming

Dry Eyes

want to cry.

my heart is heavy, and i have this

deep ache.

i can feel the tears, waiting. i’ve held them back for

so long;

they won’t come when i call.

but i am overwhelmed. i feel

like i’m choking on my heart. my stomach

is in knots. i have all the symptoms. but fuck,

they just won’t spill.

i don’t know why all of the sudden now,

but i just feel like it’s time and my body knows it.

nothing hugely devastating has happened. i don’t know why

i am so suddenly extremely depressed. but

i am. so tears,

please come.

i want to cry.

get out of me and

take my feelings with you.

how

do you go from being so happy one moment,

to just unbelievably miserable?

god,

i don’t know what it is. a mix of everything just

built up? my word is

overwhelmed.

i can’t handle it. life. how do i go on? what

is there to look forward to? i

don’t even know what i really want.

i don’t know what makes me happy. what makes me,

glad i’m alive.

it scares me sometimes, just thinking.

am i really living? it doesn’t feel like it. am i

just going through the motions?

the world is such a scary place, with so many people

who don’t give a damn.

all they care about is themselves.

i don’t want to be like that. but how

do i change? how

do i make a difference?

i want to make a difference.

i want to make an impact on the world. i want to leave it better than it was.

but how?

can i do that?

i can’t even take care of myself properly.

i always feel guilty, because there is always something

i haven’t done.

i never measure up.

it’s never enough.

will anything be? i’m

losing my motivation.

what was it again? i really can’t remember.

it’s just one of those times when you need someone to hold you,

just to let you know they care.

but,

of course.