growing up •lil peep•

emma//3

adam showed up as we walked up to the fire again. since he was over 21 he always bought us alcohol.

within the hour we were all shit faced. I was strung across Gustav's lap when Wicca asked me to take a walk with him down to the shore.  I wasn't even thinking about what happened the other night. wicca and i sat by the water letting the water touch our feet.

"emma, i love you. please. please be mine. please. i know you're with gus but you guys have been off & on since we were all eight years old. i could give you the world and never hurt you! ever!"

"i love you too wicca bu-" i stammered but gus didn't let me finish.

"so you love him?" gus steamed.

"gus, no- i-" i stuttered. i felt a "sober" feeling wash over me.

"no emma i heard you! i never should have let you back in!" he fast walked up the beach. i followed.

"gus wait!"

"stop!"

"gus"

miya gave me a weird look as gus picked up one of the skateboards and began down the road. i picked up one and did the same.

now, gus had been skating for way longer than me so by the time we got a few blocks i had lost him. of course i left my phone at the beach so i had to drag myself to the nearest gas station and call adam.

"do you need help?" the clerk asked.

"no." i blatantly replied.

"should i call the cops?" he asked another question.

"dammit i already said no once! i'm fine! i called my ride i'll be fine!" i yelled at him. he turned back to the register and waited for a customer.

i put my head in my hands and just thought about everything i just fucked up. gus is the love of my life. he means everything to me.

"i love him" i said aloud. the clerk looked at me awkwardly.

"so this is over s certain male?" he turned all the way towards me.

"yes. i didn't even do anything. i told wicca i loved him but i was intoxicated and i meant as a friend! he didn't let me finish! damn, i love gus so much and i fucked it up." i put my head back in my knees and let out sob.

"girl, if you truly love each other than you'll end up back together. i can tell you've been through a lot together. haven't you?" he asked turning my way again.

"yes, it's been on & off since we were eight and we've been there for each other for so long. i went through everything with that bastard. how could he just walk away?" i slammed my hands on my thighs. i was now more angered than sad. i could punch him. he'd let me too.

"your ride is here." the clerk said. i looked over at the window and saw adam waving at me. i got up leaning across the counter and hugged the clerk.

"thank you uhhh..." i looked at his name tag but didn't want to butcher his name.

"makonnen." he smiled and waved.
(special appearance!!)

i stepped out the doors and looked at adam. he looked worried i opened the door and climbed in the big white truck.

"emma, what happened?" he asked. i thought i could say it without tears but, i was wrong. tears streamed out of my eyes as i explained through sobs.

"emma, it's going to be okay. gus loves you. i'll talk to him." he comforted me by wrapping his arms around me. i tried to pretend like they were gus's but it didn't feel the same. he let go and asked where i wanted to go.

"can i spend the night are your place? my mom won't mind." i wiped my eyes looking over at the store.

"yes, of course." he put the truck into drive and started to drive. i plugged in my phone to the aux cord and you can already guess what i played... star shopping. over and over again the lyrics flowed out and into my ears.

so much more than perfect.

the melody and gus's voice ring in my head. i was truly in love with this kid. rain drops teared down the windows in the reflection i could see a pathetic girl starring cal with tears in her eyes.

all of those stars have a reason.

my heart ached but i couldn't fix this now. i didn't know what gus thought of me right now but all i want is him. i don't want anything in the world. i knew if everyone was gone and all i had was gus then i'd be okay one way or another.

my phone rang and i frantically tried picking it up hoping the voice on the other line would be gus... but no, it was miya. she asked me what happened.

"ask gus." i blatantly groaned through the phone before hanging up. i felt bad because that was my best friend but i'm sure she would hear from him either way.

we pulled into the front of the shop and in the window i saw gus talking to lena, adams girlfriend. i ran out of the truck and into the shop.

"why?! why did you storm away?! why can't you listen to me!" i raged shoving him into the wall.

"emma get the hell away from me." he calmly said.

"no! i deserve answers! if your just gonna cut my off i want answers! i want to know why!" i slammed my hands into his chest again. i punched his tattoos and all he did was stand there.

"emma stop!" he screamed making me flinch and step back

"you cheated on me! you said he kissed you! i let that slide! tonight you said you loved him! tonight i'm sure YOU kissed HIM! get the fuck away from me you cheating ass bitch! i never should have gave you another chance! you deserve each other go be with wicca. heartbreaking whore." he pushed past me with tears in his eyes. i stood there waiting for something else to happen but gus left. he walked straight out the door and rode into the nights rain.

"fuck fuck fuck!" i went upstairs sobbing once again. i laid down on the round couch and sobbed myself to sleep as lena rubbed my arm and told me "everything would be okay" but i knew it would never be the same.

i woke up to the sound of wet footprints around me. i looked in the doorframe. a tall figure stood over me. i could hear the water drip from his clothes. he sniffled a little and walked towards me.

"emma, i love you. ive loved you for as long as i can remember." he whispered getting closer and closer until his lip connected to mine. i leaned back slowly letting him take control i knew it was wrong and everything in me wanted to stop but if this is what he thinks i am then this is what i'll be.

"wicca stop."