growing up •lil peep•

emma// 10

on the way over to miya's i had sometime to think about this... this mess. gus looked so happy to "finally have me back." but, am i happy? a little? but i feel like i should have gotten that big relief but i didn't? adams truck felt like it was going to close in on me.

"gus?" i looked over to him, he smiled and brushed his thumb between my thighs.

"yes love?"

"i don't think we should do this." i blurted.

"what?" he looked stunned. "you don't want me to break up with her? i can't date you and her?" he laughed nervously. he knew what was coming.

"no... no gus. we can't do this." i sighed, i'm trying to hold back that stupid sadness lump you get in the back of your throat.

"i can drop you off at my house if you'd like." he stopped at the stop sign and made eye contact with me.

"gus no! we can't do this anymore!" i felt tears well up in my eyes as his facial expression dropped to nothingness. i waited for him to say something... but thick silence filled the air.

"i cant be with someone on and off anymore. i cant be with someone who's not hearing me out but instead breaking my heart to get back at me for something they miss understood. and now you brought miya into it?" for the first time i think i felt disgusted in gus.

"you don't wanna be together again?" his voice cracked with my heart. i shook my head no slowly. a car beeped behind us, i guess we had been sitting at this stop sign for a while. gus pressed on the gas, hard. my body jolted back in my seat. he pulled into the taco bell parking lot to park just to return a blank stare.

"emma i know we haven't had the best relationship but we're growing up together. i don't know anything but you..." he tried reasoning. nothing in this felt right. not breaking up with him nor staying with him.

"and that's our problem gustav. we run back to each other no matter how much we hurt each other. we have lived countless break ups, you've hurt me so much... but you love me?" i sobbed the end of my words cause i just simply couldn't hold it together anymore.

"i'm sorry for all that hurt emma, truly—"

"no gus stop apologizing." i cut him off. he looked stunned.

"i... can't." i sighed and wiped my eyes. gus leaned in and like always, so did i.

i pulled away after a couple seconds, "take me home please."

not me updating 3 years later...