Blooming Emotions

~Eνα

Love is a beautiful entity—one that I long to experience. I want to wake up in the middle of the night and feel my husband's arms around me. I want to feel the passion, the craving, as we kiss. I want to have my husband run his fingers through my hair, admiring the strands. I want to make him coffee or breakfast or even something as simple as a sandwich. I want to be loved.

It doesn't help that I see love everywhere, either. Like right now, a couple in front of me, holding hands, lean in and kiss each other. A pang of yearning shot through me, and I gripped my book a little tighter. I blinked back the tears and looked down at my book, trying to get my mind away from my suffering. Someone's gaze burned onto my skin. I glanced around the park that I sat in, but there wasn't anyone around. I frowned but returned to my book.

When I noticed the time growing later, I closed my book and headed back to my two-story house. My mother bought it for me, saying it was cheap, but I knew she did because it would keep me close. Hers is next door, and I often find her in my house. My mother is hugely overbearing—she never lets me out of her sight. I have to tell her where I'm going, when I will be back, and whom I am going with. And most importantly: no boyfriends. My only solace is gardening and reading. Oh, and dogs.

I walked home, taking in the sweet smell of flowers and grass. Although Mississippi doesn't get winter, the air is slowly getting warmer every day, and the grass and flowers are starting to make their appearance. The air smelled of their presence, too, and the birds began to get louder. I reveled in their songs. Our "winter" is gone now.

My happiness dashed out the window when I stepped into my kitchen. My mother stood next to my stove, a frown on her lips. "Where have you been? You didn't answer my texts or calls. Did you not get them?"

I clenched my jaw but pasted on a smile. Oh, I got her calls, but I watched it ring. "I went to the park. I needed to get some fresh air. I'm sorry; I forgot to tell you." I told her everything she wanted to hear, and it worked. She smiled and nodded.

"Oh. Well, that's all right, sweetie."

"I love seeing you, mother, but I have to make dinner. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

She looked as if she wanted to protest but nodded, leaving my kitchen. With the incident in the park, and now my mother, I didn't have any energy to make dinner. I headed to the fridge and grabbed some butternut squash spaghetti from yesterday. I threw it into the microwave and ate it.

Sometimes, I wish my mother didn't smother me. She forced me to sit back and watch as my friends all had their first kisses, first boyfriends or girlfriends, and some have even gotten married. The pain of watching one of my best friends walking down the aisle, swathed in white...

The next morning, to distract me from my emotions, I worked in my garden. I braided my hair out of my face and slipped on my gardening gloves. I always have had a massive greet thumb; I can get anything to grow. I kneeled in front of my newest shrub: lavender roses. I turned on the hose and watered them. Then I took my clippers and trimmed off dead leaves and misplaced stems—or stems that rub together.

I didn't know what hit me when something large and solid barreled into me. My back hit the ground, and all of the air rushed out of my lungs. The object started licking my face; I grinned—a dog! I laughed and reached up to scratch behind the large Doberman's ear. This dog amazed me; his coat didn't have any color other than white. Oh, wait; there is a black spot on top of his head.

"Spot! Oh, no! I am so sorry!" a man called out. The dog clambered off of me. I sat up and forgot to breathe for a second. A beautiful man jogged up to me, alarm in his eyes. "Are you okay? I did not mean to let him out of the house."