If Only

A million thoughts, in my head
Queenie’s sleeping in her pink covered bed, tissues surrounding her sleeping form, her eyes red and
puffy from crying. Newt’s sleeping down in his case. As he turns he looks at Leta’s photo, puts it face
down and turns around again in his bed.
Tina’s sitting at her kitchen table, fiddling with a spoon that stays sat in her hot coco. She knows it’s
late: 3am to be exact. But she couldn’t sleep. Not jus because her sister is still crying a little in her
sleep, probably dreaming about Jacob, Tina thinks, but also because today is the day that Newt
Scamander will be returning home to England and she doesn’t know when (or if) he will be back. She
doesn’t know why she’s feeling so down about his upcoming departure, she did arrest him when
they first met, but now it’s.....different. It’s not like something she’s felt a lot before, not to a lot of
members of the opposite sex. It’s not just because of how focused she’s been on becoming an auror,
but also her beautiful, social surrounded, legilimens younger sister. She doesn’t resent Queenie in
any way for this (if anything, since their parent’s death, she’s always tried her best to keep her sister
close), but it dies mean that she hasn’t been able to have much effort with dating or how to attract a
man. She had a few admirers in school and when she started working at MACUSA, but they all ended
due to Tina always being ‘too focused on her career’. She never really bothered much about
this....until now.
Should I let my heart keep listening
She’s usually been a ‘listen to your head, not your heart’ kind of woman, apart from when it came to
cases such as with Credence, or children/families she’s saved or tried to save. She’s had to be for her
job. To be an auror you must face any facts before getting any lead or facing the action in the field,
so her mind has always talked louder than her own heart....until now. She’s listening to her heart
now and all it appears to say is ‘Newt..Newt...Newt...Newt...’
‘Why can’t I get that man out of my mind?’ she kept thinking to herself.
‘When we met, I arrested him. He was nothing more than a criminal to her. But now, after him
saving her life, running around New York to find his creatures, battling against Grindelwald, trying to
save Credence and not to mention the past week they have spent together, she thinks of him more
as a.....friend? Maybe more?
I know it’s time to say Goodbye
She doesn’t want to say goodbye to him. Not yet. She’s not ready to see the back of him. To watch
him walk away, onto the boat back to England, his magically enchanted case swinging at his side. She
knows he can’t stay. She knows that. And yet....yet, there’s something inside her that just makes her
want to grab him and ask him to stay here in New York. With her. But she understands that’s selfish
of her to ask him that. She’d be asking him to stay away from his home for longer, keeping him from
his family, possibly some friends or colleagues from the Ministry. Keep him away from Leta.....

She knew about the picture. Of course she knew. She saw it every time she entered Newt’s shed
after helping him look after his creatures whilst he was recovering from several curses fired at him
by Grindelwald. She asked Queenie about this mystery woman. At first, Queenie was reluctant in
saying anything as she promised Newt she wouldn’t when she was accidentally reading his mind
about her, but after seeing her older sister was slowly falling in love with the British Magizoologist,
she thought she should tell her a little about his romantic past.
“All I saw in his mind were two close friends at school, spending time alone together ‘cause they had
no else and maybe his feelings he had for her in the past. But that’s all Teenie, nothing else. Besides
this was years ago, you don’t need to worry about it”
“But he still keeps her picture”
“Well, if you think about it, he’s travelled alone for the past year, had the company of only his
creatures for a while, you can’t blame him for wanting a bit of human company. Even if it is just a
picture of an old friend”
“Was he in love with her?” Queenie gave a her a thoughtful look.
“Is he still in love with her?”
“I think his feelings have recently changed. To a certain auror he met a few days ago” Queenie told
her. She then stood up from her seat at the table and went into their shared bedroom. Newt was in
his case at the time. Having just recovered, he was desperate to be back with his creatures again.
This was only the previous night.
During his week stay with the Goldstein sisters, Newt has had Tina by his side, taking care of him,
asking him questions about how to care for his creatures and talking about each other in general.
They got to know each other a little, about their preferred wizarding schools (Tina was siding with
Queenie about Ilvermorny being the best wizarding school in the world, of course) and about their
family backgrounds (Tina finds out then that Newt’s mother has bred hippogriffs, which explains his
love for creatures and Newt finds out that Tina chose to become an auror to become a brave hero
like her father was).
As well as being emotionally closer, they have become a little physically closer too. Not as close as
they were when Newt caught her in the death chamber, but close none the less. As they talked, they
began to sit closer and closer with every conversation they had. Tina even held his hand when he has
to take his medication to recover and when the healer had to see to him and his recovery process
for a few days.
One night, Tina woke up suddenly from nightmares of the death chamber. She quietly climbed out of
bed, careful not to wake Queenie as she’s barely been able to sleep from crying so much over Jacob,
and walked into the kitchen to make some hot coco. She walked in to find Newt already sitting
there, holding a glass of water between his hands, staring out the window.
“I didn’t expect to see you up” she said, causing him to turn away form his thoughts and face her.
She walks into the kitchen and starts to prepare her drink with magic.
“I’m making some hot coco. Would you like some?”
“No, I’m fine thank you” he replied, holding up his glass of water.
Once her drink is made, she sits next to him at the table.
“So, what caused you to be up so early?” she asks him. ‘Might as well make conversation if we are
both here, awake at this time’ she thought.
“Couldn’t sleep” he answered. He was back staring out the window.
“Me either” she told him.
A silence settled upon them. Then Newt suddenly spoke up;
“Why couldn’t you sleep?” he asked, now looking at her.
“I had a nightmare” she told him, honestly, look down at the table, self-consciously.
Newt surprised her then when he lifted her head up, from under her chin, to look at him.
“Please don’t be embarrassed about that, Tina. Everyone gets affected by them. Especially people
who have been through what you have been through. It’s understandable.” He smiled a shy smile at
her.
She couldn’t help smile back. “So, do you get affected by them too?”
His smile dropped a little. His hand left her chin and his hands held tighter on the glass.
“Yes. Since the war, I woke up often by them”
Tina’s breath hitched in her throat. ‘I could never imagine a kind man like Newt during something so
awful’
“You-you were in the war?” she asked, hesitantly.
Newt nods his head. “I mainly worked with dragons. Ukranian Ironbellies. On the Easten Front.”
“Oh” is all Tina could say.
“What was your nightmare about?” he asked.
Tina looked down at the table again.
“I’ll tell you what mine was about if you tell me about yours” Newt told her.
She looked up at him in surprise. She took a deep breath.
“I was back in the death chamber” she began. She took another deep breath. “But this time, you
didn’t catch me in time and I-well, I-“ she could feel tears springing in her eyes and quickly
attempted to wipe them away.
Newt beat her to it, thumbing away the tears that were able to escape down her cheeks and gently
shooshing her. She thinks this was his way to calm down any beasts who were in any hysterical
mood. She smiled at the thought. She felt his hand leave her face and no longer heard his sweet,
gentle voice. Tina looked up at him. He was looking at her through his fringe.
“So” she began, clearing her throat, “what was your nightmare about?”
“About the Sudanese girl I failed to save”
“The Obscurus?”
“Yes”