Street Cred |On My Block|

16. The Breakdown

Seeing blurry white lights around me, as I felt the cold floor under me, I could hear the slow pound of an unsteady heartbeat faintly in the background. I needed to rewind the hands of time. Squeezing my eyes and clenching my fist harder and harder and maybe, if I hope hard enough God will change this fate. Not because I'm special but because there's no way, not even a little chance, that I was supposed to be watching the life slip out of my friend's eyes.

I snatched my coat off the seat of the couch right before Macho sat, "can you be cognizant for five seconds" I hissed "not when I got a bitch to do it for me" Macho barked back, I rolled my eyes and turned away putting my jacket on the table chair. "Oscar are they done" I whined "I don't see you busting your ass in the kitchen" he hissed "yet she's still here" Macho shrugged, I looked down at him in disgust, "ugh, Oscar just please hurry up, this is serious" I whined "is Cesar going to the party" Oscar mumbled, "Monse says they always do New Years together at Ruby's and nothing's changing" I repeated, "so you wanna see him?" "Of course not" he growled "not after you almost killed him right" I scuffed.

"What is wrong with you" Oscar's face turned a crimson, the anger pouring from his eyes forced the hairs on my back to stand. Cesar immediately let out tears "Oscar I'm sorry" he cried out "you think 'sorry' is gonna fix this shit". "It was me, I stopped him, I walked in the bathroom and I stood in front of Latrelle. It wasn't Cesar's fault" I spilled out despite Cesar's warning earlier, but I couldn't let him go down like this. "Now you've got this pinche cabron fighting your battles, you know what Cesar, I took care of you, now it's time to teach you how to be a man" Oscar said.

Oscar stopped playing in the food and turned to me, "he had one job to do" Oscar snapped "a mindset changing  job" I debated "I don't wanna hear it" he finished "maybe if you actually talk about it and -" he shot me a glare that stopped my words immediately "have the food ready by the time I get dressed" I rolled my eyes and walked to the room.

As I pushed through my clothes, I pulled out a pair of long cargo shorts, I evenly folded them then tossed them to Oscar's side of the closet. I pulled out a black dress with small rhinestones around the neckline. Her memorial was beautiful, the yellow and pink marigolds that rested next to her picture brought joy to the life she lived and her deep impact that she left on everyone in it. I pulled the shiny silver dress, with a V-neck and thin straps, my mother gave me this dress on my thirteenth birthday, she told me that if I wanted to get mature, I needed to dress mature, "the outside will fall in" she would say for almost everything that had to do with character. I slipped the dress on, the fabric stretched at my hips causing the build up of frustration in my chest. I squatted down to make sure nothing popped or ripped if I sat, and the results caused me to release my short anger. I grabbed the black leather jacket Oscar gave me along with a childhood story of his. It'd be ninety degrees and he'd still risk sweating bullets in this jacket just because it was the only thing his dad gave him, he thought of it as his dad protecting him. Now it's here to protect me. I slipped my phone into the right inside pocket, the weight almost evened out with the left one. I rushed out of the room and into the kitchen "you done" I asked "woah, looking like a fine ass hyna" he chimed as he grabbed me by the small of my back and pulled me closer "stop, Oscar focus on the food" I tried being stern but the undertone of giggles were revealed. Oscar grabbed the pinwheel and pushed it into my mouth, "they're done, now go" he told me "thank you" I mumbled through the dough, cheese, and authentic spices.

I balance the platter wrapped in aluminum foil in one hand and did slow heavy knocks with the other. Ruby's mother swung the door open and looked at me with a wide smile "awe mami, you look so beautiful" she cheered as she pulled me into a hug "thank you ti ti" I copied her energy and squeezed her back tightly, "how's your new arrangement" she asked "it's great, small but when I get things settled I'll find a way to squeeze everyone in" I chuckled as I lied straight to her. See, I stayed with them for a while, when Ruby was in the hospital, I helped with the twins and funeral arrangement. But, looking at that backyard everyday put knots in my stomach, if only I didn't stop Cesar. I told her that my mom got me a studio apartment and I left, then Oscar picked me up, but I know for a fact she's not gonna accept me living with the santos, not after that night.