Noelle
Because love never lasts.
I twiddle my thumbs anxiously and cross my legs to stop my foot from loudly tapping at the ground. I was beyond nervous.
Yesterday I got an acceptance letter to Cambridge. I almost forgot that I applied as a joke a couple months ago. It was light-hearted. It was practice for applying to universities that I actually had a chance at. Sure, I have a 3.85 GPA. Sure, I maintained steady A's in most of my classes. With the exception of a B in Economics -I can't stand anything related to Social Studies. I never thought that I could get in, though. And on a scholarship, too. Sure, its not full-ride, but still. A scholarship to Cambridge. Wow. I've always known I was smart. Or at least, that's what I've been told. But, I never imagined I'd be this smart.
I called Noah. I said we had to talk. But, not over the phone, I mean, I couldn't do that to him.
Now I'm waiting in the Starbucks across the street from school. Waiting in one of the few booths. Waiting for Noah to walk through the front door. Waiting for Noah to complain about how cold it is outside. Waiting to break the news to him. Waiting to see the hurt in his eyes. Waiting to apologize. But not really apologize because this is something I shouldn't be sad about. I should be happy that my life is headed in a good direction.
I should be happy.
+++
Noah walked through the front door. He complained about how cold it was outside. I broke the news to him.
"I got into Cambridge University.... Th-the one in England." I spoke grimly and I saw the full impact of my words hit him.
"So, you're breaking up with me?" His voice got squeaky and scratchy and I felt like bursting into tears.
"No...I mean, I don't know. We could try to have a long distance relationship? I know it's not ideal, but its worth a shot, right?" I asked, hopefully.
"No. Noelle, those never work out. We'd be miserable. I'd miss you way too much.... We'd be in different time zones. Who knows when our time off would over lap. I'll text you and then it might take hours for you to respond. It just - It would be worse than being broken up because we would have the lie stuck in our heads that we were still together." His eyes are swollen and his face is the color of strawberry ice cream; a shade of pink that only occurs in artificial coloring and complexions.
"What if....What if it wasn't a lie? What if we tried? Noah, you can't give up on us like this. Just, please, try." I end up begging him.
He diverts his attention away from me. Tuning me out, probably. He doesn't want to hear what I have to say.
"Noah." I croaked, "Noah, it wasn't suppose to end like this."
He stares at with speculating eyes before speaking.
"No. It wasn't supposed to end. Period. We were supposed to be happy.. together. I thought that was the plan. I thought we were the plan." He tries to hold it together. But I know that if we weren't in public he would be crying.
"Hey, stop being such a pessimist. We are the plan!" I raise my voice, earning me judging glares from a few fellow Starbucks customers, "That's what I've been trying to tell you." I speak in a relatively hushed tone.
"I'm not being a pessimist, I'm being realistic...I hope you have a good life. I hope enjoy Cambridge. Goodbye, Noelle." He starts to stand up and walk away.
"That's it? Those are the last words you plan on ever saying to me? You know, I'm in town for another four whole months. We still have five weeks of school left. You know that, right?" I questioned.
He nodded slightly, "I know."
After that he left, taking the remains of our relationship with him. Every step he took was one more chunk of my heart being carved out and fed to the uncivilized cannibal that lived inside of me and slowly ate me away from the inside out.
