ALLEGIANT

Chapter: 11

"So what does this all mean" Christina speaks with her mouth full, gesturing her fork at me as we sit in the dining hall.

"I don't even know"

I push the food around my plate, my appetite has been all but nonexistent lately.

I look over Christina and focus my eyes on the far wall. It's been a week since I talked with Tobias Peter and Cara and I feel an ache in my heart. He's been in his room. He hasn't come out till today but he also hasn't said a word to me and I don't understand why, but I do at the same time. Christina's number flashes off of her stark black uniform, 2105, 45 years from now and she'll be gone.

I try and avoid looking at my number but the light burns behind my eyes whenever they close.

"Tris?"

Christina's voice breaks through my thoughts and I nod.

"I don't know what it means. I just know it makes sense to someone like Cara."

Christina nods and purses her lips. I think of Christina and Caras bond they both loved Will.

And I killed him.

"Anyways,"

She says brown eyes shiny, "How have you and Four been?" She asks although she already knows the answer.

I laugh under my breath and look over to were he among the empty seats, everyone either too afraid or too confused to sit with him.

My reason is both.

Tobias' eyes find me and I avoid his gaze immediately, my eyes involuntarily landing on Peter, who happens to be looking back at me.

He's surrounded by a group of people I've never seen, I'm not surprised though He always makes friends, why they aren't scared out of their wits is beyond me.

After learning what Peter is I'm more confused then when I recived my test result. "Anivial" what does this mean for Divergents? Cara said its no superpower but is it possible that anivials have some magical powers like Hector thought Divergents had.  Or maybe I'm just being stupid.

"It's been...tense"

I search for the right word.

"No kidding" she says laughing again.

I smile and can't help that think after all this, she's still here for me.

***

After lunch I walk down the corridor to my room. The hallways are mapped out like an easy puzzle. A right turn here, left turn here, and stairs to the left, then bingo. It's hard to get lost because everywhere you turn seems to lead you to where you want to go. That and the fact that every inch of this place seems to be labeled.

My boots slap against the marble tile and I can't help but think of Erudite headquarters moments before my execution. As if on que Peter emerges from the shadows up ahead.

I stop.

"What do-"

"Tris stop" he holds a hand out to me and bending his knees slightly trying to sink down to my level I suppose. "Just hear me out"

I haven't talked to him since he left Tobias and I in the room. Seconds later Tobias left me to be alone, we haven't talked since and I can't help but blame Peter. "Yeah, Like that's gonna happen" I say, calmer than I feel. I step forward and to the right planning to o around but just then a sharp acrid taste fills my mouth and I feel hands framing my head, their sent slightly acidic.

Fear races through me.

I don't remember being around him and having it feel like this.

"Peter" I choke out.

"Tris? What is it?" He leans closer, the pounding in my head grows louder.

What's happening?

"Shit" I hear Peter murmur under his breath and then he backs up faster then I thought possible, the slam of his back echoing in the surprisingly empty hallway.

"Sorry" he holds his hand up, breathing heavily.

"It's my emotions. When I'm scared, happy, angry or.." He hesitates "excited I make things worse.

You know with the whole release of feramones is something I can't really control. Sorry" his last words are bitter but more to his benefit then to mine.

A week ago I didn't know there was anything outside of the fence and I knew nothing about Divergents except that they were dangerous and uncontrollable, now I learn about Anivails and my head hurts. Out here it feel like a whole new ball game.

Beatrice,the small selfless part of me wants to forget my fear and walk over to him, tell him that I'm not afraid and that if he believes he's a monster then he should work to change it. But the rest of me wants to walk away. Turn my back on him like he's turned his anger on me plenty of times before.

The part of me that left my family, the part that ridiculed Al after finding his lifeless body, the part of me that beat Molly and enjoyed it. Tris. That part of me wants to leave. So I do.

***

I don't get too far before I run into someone else, this time it's someone I don't recognize.

Someone from outside the fence, they nod at me and continue walking their face a mask of emotions i have no time to read. The reason I watch when they past is to see them. Those who aren't us. Who never needed to choose faction before blood. His pants are stark white, like Candor. But they're ripped and torn in the front. His shirt is a tight green polo, the top bottons are undone. Overall he reminds me of a tree. Green is not a color you see on people. 'Yes it is' my subconscious tells me but I ignore it, like usual.

I walk until I have no reason to keep moving, my legs have gotten bigger since I first turned 16, dauntless training and being on the run has made them strong, sturdy.

I begin to think of all the things that have changed.

My faction, my parents, Caleb, my body .

Forgetting my decision to just sit and think I begin to run, the slam of my boots on the tile makes my adrenaline pump and soon I'm not thinking of changes but of the ones that I've left behind and the ones I let die

Eric, Jeanine I take a left turn, Tori, Marlene, there's another straight stretch, my dad, my mom, Will, Al, The abnegation.

My hearts racing and my feet are still moving. I wonder where the people are and realize that it's still lunch time, I feel tears burn behind my eyes but refuse to let them fall. Ever since I moved outside the fence I've grown weak.

The strong dauntless girl who was first in her class is slipping away, and in her place is a girl who's running for no reason and can't even keep her own emotions in check.

I've heard in school about a sickness that weakens people and before they even realize they're gone. Al had this sickness, I refuse to follow in his foot steps. I run with a destination now, my room, it takes a good 10 minutes to get there, I follow the arrows and labels until I reach the door marked "Prior" For now I can cry out in fear and anger and pain, but tommorow.

Tommorow I'll be Tris again.