The Red Bull Party Girl |ON HOLD|

16. Austria.

Austria, Red Bull's home race. After caning myself in the impressive on site gym at the circuit and then showering I was ready for my photo call with Seb and Dan. I was wearing my least favourite outfit, the catsuit, but for the drivers it was worse. They had lederhosen printed on their race overalls. I was thankful that I hadn't got to wear anything like that. As it was Thursday Dan had completed his track walk and we were waiting for Seb to come back from his.
"Harper, I think you're going to have to come with me to see if theres another catsuit." Emma stood and eyed my figure. "Have you been eating? You've lost a little weight and you've now got baggy bits to your catsuit."
"I've not exactly had much appetite." I admitted. In fact I'd barely eaten much all week, and last week. I was apprehensive about seeing Seb, I'd still not heard from him, despite me giving in to myself and texting him at the weekend. I'd only arrived in the country today after calling in sick for Tuesday and Wednesday and so today would be the first time I'd seen Seb since race day in Canada.
"Right, come with me." Emma waved her hand for me to follow her. "We'll get you a smaller sized catsuit and then a bloody burger." She rolled her eyes. After a while we returned, with one smaller catsuit on but no burger. I wanted to get this photo call done first before I even considered trying to eat anything.
"Harps, I can definitely see the weight loss now girl, we need to fatten you up again." Dan stood next to me near to his car. It was his race car we were using today. Seb walked back in with Britta, he looked agitated and a little tired. Not his usual self at all. He shrugged his arms in to his race overall as he looked at me, I broke his gaze and looked to the floor. I'd been switching from one mood to another today, anger, sadness, bitterness, numbness. Right now I was starting to feel angry. We all stepped outside and I stood between the two men as the photographers got to work. I felt Seb's arm around my waist, his fingers resting on my hip and my skin felt as if it was on fire for his touch.
"Its good to see you." He murmured into my ear.
"Was you ever going to tell me?" I shot back
"Hey guys, not now." I heard Dan say.
"Was I ever going to tell you what?" Seb asked.
"The baby Seb." I said through my fake smile. "Your baby." I broke away from them and walked away. I needed a moment. I could hear the photographers moaning that I'd ruined their shot. Tough shit.
"Harper." Emma came straight over to me. "Please, let's get this over and done with." She rubbed the tops of my arms.
"Has he confirmed it yet?' I asked her.
"He's not mentioned it once since we've been here." She replied. "Please, go and finish the shoot for me chick." I nodded in reply and went back over to them. Seb didn't say another word while we finished the shoot, I think Dan had had a word or three with him. Once we'd finished though and I went to walk back in he caught me by my arm.
"Can we talk?" He asked.
"When?" I replied.
"Now, in my driver's room. Please Harper."
"Ok." I took a deep breath and followed him through the garage and in to a small room, Antti sat on a small two seater sofa on his phone.
"Antti, can you give us some time please?" Seb held the door open for him. Antti's expression gave nothing away to me as he passed me and went out of the door. Seb let it swing shut behind him. I took in the room, there was a narrow shelving unit in one corner and a table next to that. A small fridge was in another corner with the sofa along the side wall and a massage table in the middle. The room was a little bigger than I thought it would be.
"Shall we sit?" Seb's voice brought my attention back to him and why we were in this room. He gestured to the sofa and we sat down. "Antti told me that they'd told you about me having to go home because Emilla has told me she's pregnant." He said, removing his baseball cap.
"Is it true?" I didn't want his chit chat, I just wanted to know. He gave a big sigh and nodded his head. Fucking hell, that was it then.
"I'm so sorry Harper." He said quietly.
"Have you never heard of condoms?!" I tried to keep myself calm.
"Of course I have, it just happened once, that night in Sepang."
"Once is all takes Sebastian!" I raised my voice. "So how far along is she saying she is?" I asked.
"About nine weeks." He replied. "I couldn't believe it, she just called me out of the blue so I had to fly straight back to Switzerland to find out for sure. I so wanted to spend the evening with you."
"And then you let me find out from Emma and Antti!" I shook my head. "And I've heard nothing from you since that night."
"I didn't want to tell you by text or phone. You deserve me to tell you face to face." He put his hand on my knee but I batted it away. "I was going to ask you if we could start again that night."
"Well that's hardly going to happen now is it." I shot back.
"We can still try." He looked at me.
"You are fucking joking Seb!" I exclaimed.
"Why not? I don't love her, I don't want to be with her........."
"She's having your first child for fucks sake!" I raised my voice again. "How can you get another woman pregnant and then expect me to want to start again?! This is baby Seb, a human life! Not a fucking pet!"
"I know that, and I will continue to support her in any way I can, but I don't want to be with her. I want you!" He raised his voice to match mine.
"No. It's not going to happen." I felt myself getting upset. Now was the time to get myself out of this room. "You dumped me for her and got her up the duff, you deal with it and do not even try to drag me in to it!" I stood up and went to the door.
"Harper, please, wait!" He stood and within a couple of steps was in front of me. "Please, give me a chance to show you this can work!" He grabbed my hand and I snatched it away from him, I said nothing as I opened the door and left, slamming it shut behind me. I stormed out in to the busy paddock and stopped, people were walking past either of side of me, a couple of photographers snapped me, and a hand landed on my shoulder.
"Harper, you look distressed, are you ok?" Christian had stopped by my side. Great, that's all I need, the boss seeing me close to lumping someone. "I heard shouting coming from Seb's room, want to tell me what's going on?"
"I think you should ask Seb about that." I said glumly.
"Come with me, you need a minute to cool down." He placed his hand on my back and ushered me forward. We walked through the hospitality suite and then up in to his office. I felt like a naughty school girl, again. "Have a seat Harper." He said.
"I'd rather stand." I said, being awkward.
"Fine." He said, standing and leaning on his desk in front of me. "Look, I know you and Seb aren't getting on at moment. What was the argument about?"
"I'm not sure I can say, it's not my place to do so." I answered.
"Has Seb done something to you?" He asked.
"No." I shook my head. "Please, you need to hear it from him first." As much as I wanted to spill Seb's little secret to get back at him, I knew it would be wrong of me to do so.
"Ok, I'll speak to Sebastian and get his take on things." He said looking at me.
"Please, do so." I said sounding petty.
"Harper, I shouldn't have to remind you that I need everyone fully focused. I can't have you and Sebastian tearing strips off of each other all the time." He said, shoving his hands in to his pockets.
"I know, and I'm sorry." I looked down to the floor. Trust me to get bollocked and golden balls back in the garage gets fuck all said to him.
"Maybe you should spend another weekend with Dan in his garage, that seemed to work out well last time." He gave me a small smile.
"I can assure you I'll be fine in both garages." I said defiantly, and I would be. I was going to enjoy watching Seb looking pissed off, and I was going to paint the smile back on my face to piss him off even more.
"Ok." He said, letting out a breath. "But please, this weekend above all others, remain professional. We will have alot of guests here this weekend expecting a good race and good atmosphere. Please, don't let me down Harper."
"I promise I won't." I smiled.
"Ok, well now you look as though you've calmed down you better go to your next event and I'll speak to Sebastian as soon as I have the chance." He said. I took that as my cue to leave and went back down to hospitality where Emma was waiting for me. Seb was sitting to one side at a table with Britta and he looked at me as I walked outside with Emma looking worried.
"Are you ok? Antti said he could hear you shouting at Seb. It's bad news isn't it?" We stopped just outside, I glanced behind me and could see Seb watching us.
"It is." I nodded. "Good news for her, shit news for me."
"So its true then." She said.
"All true, I thought Antti might have told you already." I put my hand on my hip, I was honestly expecting her to know before me.
"Antti doesn't know, I think you're the first person Seb's told." She replied.
"Well, I'm honoured, I should go and thank him." I said sarcastically. "I probably should have took Christian's advice and chosen to stay in Dan's garage 'cos right now I'm this close to slapping Seb." I gestured with my fingers.
"Ah well, we've got the fan signing to go to next and I said you'd be there too." She grimaced at her own words.
"That's fine." I smiled, making Emma look worried. "I'll be totally fine." I looked as Seb came outside with Britta who gave me a sympathetic smile. We started walking down the paddock, letting Seb and Britta walk ahead of us.
"So what else did Seb say to you?" Emma asked.
"He wants me and him to start again." I replied, seeing her look at me, her mouth fell open.
"No way! What did you say?"
"I think my reply went something like, are you fucking joking." I think Seb heard us talking, as he turned and looked at me. I just smiled, I had plans to enjoy this weekend.

The day was over and I let myself in to my hotel room, letting the door swing shut. I leant against the door for a moment and let today sink in, then headed straight for the bathroom. I undressed quickly and turned the shower on, then stepped in under the water, letting it run down my face and body. Seb was going to be a dad. I let those words run through my mind like one of those L.E.D signs that scrolls a message across it. I poured some shampoo in to my hand and gave my hair a quick wash, followed by my favourite conditioner. After rinsing and washing my body I stepped out, wrapping my hair up in a towel and then one around my body. I went back in to my bedroom and checked my phone, I had a text from Dan.
Dan R: I'm here if you need me Harps :) x
Me: Thank u! I'm ok at the mo x
I really wasn't in the mood for company so kept my reply short and concentrated on getting myself dry and dressed in to something more comfortable, my shorts and vest top. Just as I finished getting dressed there was a knock at the door. I debated ignoring it, but there was another knock, I really hoped it wasnt a Red Bull driver. With my wet hair falling around my shoulders, I reluctantly opened the door.
"Hello Harper, I just wanted to check you're ok." Christian smiled. "Can I just pop in?"
"Of course." I stepped aside to let Christian in. I guess he must have looked up my room number with it being booked up by pretty much the whole team.
"I've spoken to Sebastian." He said as he glanced around my room.
"Ah, ok." I folded my arms across my chest, wearing my vest top I felt a little exposed in front of him.
"How are you feeling about it? I know you have feelings for Seb and he does for you." He said.
"I've had to accept it, what choice do I have." I replied, I swallowed. Please no, not tears, not in front of my boss.
"If you need some time Harper....." He started to say.
"I don't need time, I just need to work." I snapped, Christian looked taken aback. "I'm sorry." I added, I felt my bottom lip trembling. "I'll be fine." I said. I felt a tear slip down my cheek, fuck it.
"Harper, you're not fine." He stepped closer to me and pulled me close to him, wrapping his arms around me. I wasnt sure how to respond, but let him hold me, this felt weird. I sniffed as I let a few tears escape and Christian released me. "For what it's worth, I've told him my feelings on the issue. He's gutted about this and shocked too, he wasn't expecting it at all, I think he had his heart set on you."
"I guess I had my heart set on him, but I can't let myself be with man who's having a child with another woman. He should be with the mother of his child." I stepped back from him, I didn't particularly want another awkward hug.
"Well, I'll leave you to it." He walked back to the door. "My door will always be open if you need to talk Harper." He said as he opened the door and stepped out.
"Thank you Christian." I smiled.
"I'll see you tomorrow." He said and then he left and the door closed behind him. Wow, Christian had felt as though he had to come and see me after talking to Seb, maybe golden balls hadn't got off so lightly after all.