The Red Bull Party Girl |ON HOLD|

32. The 'bubble'.

"Nothings wrong." He smiled. "Congratulations, you're pregnant."

My mouth fell open and a strange, strangled sounding noise came out of it. His words hit me like a train. He could not be right. Absolutely no way could this be true.
"Pregnant?" I heard Seb utter beside me as I sat there, not looking at the doctor but through him. "How far along?" That was the last words I heard for a few minutes as my mind went spiralling out of control. I'm not ready for motherhood yet! I've barely been with Seb for two months! I thought moving in with him was quick work, but this? How could I have been so stupid?! Why the fuck didn't either of us use contraception?! Not only was my parents having to get their heads around my brother having a child, now they'd have the shock of me being pregnant too. What on earth would they think? Would they think they'd raised two kids who knew nothing about sex and contraception? What the hell would Seb's family think? Would they think I'm some kind of gold digger who would now be bank rolled by him for life? What about my job? Would be I able to continue until the end of the season? Would they want a pregnant 'party girl'? What about Seb's move to Ferrari? They'll want a focused four times world championship winning driver, not a man who'll be distracted by his pregnant girlfriend. Especially when it gets close to my due date. What about Dakota? Would I have to give up riding? Was my life, as I knew it, over?
"Harper? Harper?" Suddenly I found the doctor close by with his hand on my arm and Seb looking at me with a concerned frown. "Are you ok? You seemed to leave us there for a moment."
"I can't be." I whispered and shook my head slowly. "You must have got it wrong."
"We discovered it through blood tests." He replied.
"No." I shook my ahead again. "You must have got my tests mixed up with someone else's."
"Harper, we discovered the hCG hormone present in your blood, this is only produced by the placenta after implantation." He seemed very adamant that I was pregnant, and now I'd been provided with that small medical fact I knew I had no choice but to believe him.
"How many weeks am I?" I asked, raking a shaking hand through my messy hair. He exchanged a look with Seb before answering me.
"As I'd already said, you are possibly four to six weeks pregnant but we'll do a scan to check later on before you leave."
"Four to six weeks?" I gasped. How could I have not known? My periods were a little on the irregular side so for me being late or missing a period was nothing new but I'd had no pregnancy related symptoms at all. This was a complete and utter shock.
"I'll leave you both alone, obviously it is a shock to both of you." The doctor placed my notes back at the end of my bed and walked away, letting the door shut behind him and for the first time since I'd been given this shock piece of news I looked at Seb to find a smile spreading across his face. Of course, for my broody German boyfriend this was the best news but for me.....
"Don't." He sat back down on the bed next to me.
"Don't what?"
"Don't go over thinking this." He pressed his lips to my forehead.
"It's a bit fucking difficult not to over think things when you've just been told you're pregnant." I snapped, feeling worried and tearful.
"You don't think this is a good thing?" He frowned.
"It's a lot to take in Seb." I sniffed as a tear ran down my cheek. "And I'm not sure I'm ready."
"What do you mean by that?" His frown increased.
"It's too soon, we've only just decided I should move in with you. We've got the rest of season to go with Red Bull and then you've got your move to Ferrari next year which means we'll be spending more time in Italy. We'll both need to settle in to...."
"So what you're saying is that you want to get get rid of it?" He hissed sharply, cutting me off and getting off the bed. "So it's all about what you want... you're not ready, you think it's too soon."
"No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying I'm going to have a termination, I don't even know if that's what I want." I said, trying to avoid a row. I wanted him to see it from my point of view but I knew I was making a fist of it.
"Again, it's what you want!" He stalked towards the door. "What about me?"
"Where are you going?" I asked he opened the door.
"I need some air."
"Seb, wait!" I called after him as he left and then flopped back against the pillows, trying not to cry. I knew I should have told him all the thoughts that were going around my head but at the same time I knew that all he could see was a baby and not all the changes that could mean to our lives. For me a baby meant finally growing up, very quickly. It meant settling down to a life of always putting the baby first, to sacrifices I wasn't ready to make. It would mean a massive change to our relationship. Not only would Seb have to adjust to life with a new team next year, he'd also have to adjust to life as a new dad.
"Harper!" My mum came bursting into the room, followed by my dad, and rushed over to me, engulfing me in a hug. "We got here as soon as we could, how are you?"
"I'm fine mum." I gently pushed her away. "I just banged my head on a sink." I don't mean to sound ungrateful but I really didn't want them here right now, their timing couldn't have been worse.
"I think it was a little bit more than that, you had a bleed on your brain." She whimpered emotionally.
"It was a small bleed which they're not worried about." I replied, knowing that there was something bigger going on inside me than that.
"Come on Jacqui, look at her, she's fine." My dad said as he plonked himself down in a chair. "You alright then?" He asked patting the bed.
"I'm fine Dad." I wondered how or when to tell them my news.
"We passed Seb just down the corridor, I think Britta's stayed out there with him. Have you two had words? He said hello but he didn't look happy." My mum perched on the edge of the bed just as Seb had done earlier. Shit. How was I going to answer this one? I didn't want to tell them about the baby, not until I'd got my head around things and I didn't want them to be disappointed in me. Then I thought of my scan, what if the doctor wanted to do it while my parents were here? I suddenly realised that I needed to speak to the doctor or Seb, or even Britta if he didn't want to help me.
"Yeah, kind of. I wanted to discharge myself and Seb won't let me." I lied.
"Well, you have had a head injury." Mum replied.
"Don't make it sound worse than it is mum."
"So what actually happened?" Dad asked. "When Seb rang he said Bastiano had knocked you over and you hit your head on a sink in some toilets."
"That is basically it, but can we talk about this some other time?" I asked as I flung the blanket off of my body and swung my legs over the edge of the bed.
"Where are you going?" Mum asked as I gingerly got to my feet.
"Toilet, and no, you're not coming with me." I walked slowly to the door. "I'll be back in a minute." I stepped outside and looked down the corridor to see Seb talking to Britta, they both turned their heads to look at me and Seb jogged down the corridor towards me.
"What are you doing out of bed?" He asked.
"I'm going to need Britta to take my parents to a hotel. I don't want them here when the doctor comes back to do the scan." I replied, realising that I did actually need a wee.
"Are you not going to tell them about the baby then?"
"Not yet no. Seb, please come back into my room." I reached out to take his hand and noticed how he didn't make any move to hold mine.
"I'll speak to Britta." He walked back to her, leaving me standing there. I wandered slowly in the opposite direction to the toilet and let myself in. As I pulled my knickers down and sat down I covered my face with my hands, he probably didn't realise it but Seb was making me feel guilty already, just because I wasn't jumping for joy about being pregnant. We needed time to talk and I just hoped that we'd get it.