UNEXPECTED ✰ COLIFER

Chapter 43 ✰ Moving On

Jen's pov

6 months after Colin's disappearing

The best feeling in the world is watching things finally fall into place after watching them fall apart for so long. I'm free of this pain. I'm not saying that I don't love you or think of you anymore. I'm just saying that it stopped hurting me. I achieved a state of peace within myself where I can except that it is all over and be grateful for what we had together. I'm finally able to look back on it with only fondness for the memories we shared. I'm still longing for you, but it doesn't hurt me anymore. At least, that's what I keep telling myself and the people around me.

I truly love being an actor. I've always loved it with all my heart and soul, and I'd always wanted to do it for a very long time. It's my favorite thing to do, but it's also the loneliest thing in the world, even though it caused me to meet you, the love of my life, my other half. You're just all alone with your concentration and imaginations and that's the only thing you have. Even though you have the nicest co-workers ever, it's you who has to portrait that specific role with all these specific emotions. You have to play it with a certain amount of yourself in it. There just simply has to be, otherwise, it's just lying.

Recently, I started to notice how much I missed acting. In the last few years in which I was active as an actor, I hadn't had to put a lot of effort into getting a role and I now realized how blessed I was. I've put my acting career on hold for my family and I've never regretted it one bit. Deep inside, I've always missed it, but I loved my children much more than I'd ever loved acting. Now that I'm trying to put myself first, I realized that I wanted to do it again. I wanted to act again, I wanted to do auditions again and I decided to start today. My first audition after centuries was a fact and I couldn't deny that I was more nervous than I ever was before.

'Mom, what are you going to do?' Ivy asked curiously as I hurriedly applied my makeup. I tried to focus on applying my eyeliner, but noticed Ivy's irritated gaze through the mirror.

'I'm going to work' I answered.

'Why? Daddy always did that.'

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I rushed through my makeup looking for my mascara. 'Yes, honey, but I would like to work again.'

'What about Mason and me?'

I turned around to look at her and noticed that her lip was trembling, a sign that she was about to cry. I wrapped my arms around her and after some hesitation, she hugged me back. 'I would never let you down, darling.'

'But when you start working then you won't have time for us, just like daddy...' she whispered in my ear as we held each other tightly. I tried to swallow the tears and the lump in my throat.

I gently rubbed the back of her head to reassure her. 'Don't worry, Ivy. I won't let you and your little brother down, do you understand me?'

She nodded softly and withdrew from our embrace. 'I love you.'

I smiled. 'I love you too, sweetheart'

Even though I still missed him, all I needed right now was the love of these two little human beings. A child will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, home happier, the past forgotten and the future worth living for.

I quickly finished my make-up and as I gathered up my stuff, I saw my mother's car come to a stop. I walked over to Mason's cradle in the living room and smiled. Mason was the most friendly little man I knew. He smiled and made happy sounds all day long and he barely cried. He was lying on his back in the crib and was looking around with his clear blue eyes. I swallowed for a moment as his gaze caught mine and he started to smile. His eyes, his smile, his facial expressions... it was the miniature version of Colin. I bent over and pressed a kiss to his soft forehead, after which I turned myself to Ivy.

'Grandma takes care of you, but do you promise me to take good care of your little brother?' I asked as I kneeled down.

She nodded proudly, wrapped her arms around my neck, and kissed my cheek. 'Good luck and I see you tonight, mom'

I also pressed a kiss to her forehead and slowly stood up again.  'See you tonight, honey'

I opened the door to let my mother in, gave her a quick hug and hurried myself to the car. The drive to the audition seemed to take forever. I kept practicing my texts over and over again in my head, because I was afraid that the nerves would make me forget them. After a half an hour drive, I parked the car in the parking lot and walked towards the building where the auditions were to take place. While I entered the building I felt that people were looking at me. I tried not to worry and continued my way to the service desk.

The lady behind the desk smiled. 'Jennifer Morrison, right?'

I nodded uncomfortably. 'Yes, that's me.'

She searched for my name on the list and then looked at me again. 'Your opponent also arrived a few minutes ago. He is standing right over there, with the brown, leather coat' she said while pointing in his direction.

'Thank you' I whispered.

I decided to walk towards the man. Perhaps we still had some time to discuss and practice the scene. I put my hand on his shoulder.  'Hey, I heard from the lady behind the service desk that you're my opponent and...' my breath got caught in my throat when he turned around.

'Jack?'