UNEXPECTED ✰ COLIFER

Chapter 48 ✰ More Than Just A Dream

Jen's pov

Our love was quiet, sometimes maybe boring, but it was sure. With the right amount of love and trust and even allowance for mistakes. I loved him and I still do, even though it's over now. I tried so hard to start all over again, but there is no such thing as going back to square one. Even if you feel like you have to start over, you are just trying it again with more knowledge, strength, and power than you had before. The journey was never over, it was just waiting for me to find it again. 

I felt a warm hand sliding down my shoulder, over my arm, and followed by soft lips and the soft tickling of stubble.

'Are you awake?' he whispered. His Irish accent was heavier than usual like he always had when he had just woken up.

'Hm...' I muttered without opening my eyes. Deep down in my subconscious, I knew this had to be a dream, but this was one that I absolutely didn't want to wake up from.

'I miss you' I whispered.

He grinned. 'But I'm right here.'

His hand slid further down my body and suddenly stopped once he had reached my hips. He pulled me gently toward him and I felt the warmth of his body surrounding me. 'See, I'm right here. Open your eyes, beautiful'

I turned around in his arms and felt his chest hair against my face and inhaled his familiar scent as deeply as possible. I slowly opened my eyes, still too scared to wake up. I looked up and his clear blue eyes met mine. 'Colin?'

He laughed and stroked my hair. 'Did you expect someone else in your bed, sweetheart?'

I shook my head and buried my face in his chest again. I sniffed his familiar scent one more time and felt the tears burning in my eyes. He rested his hand on my head and started rubbing it softly up and down to calm me down.

'I'm dreaming, right?' I whispered against his chest.

He sighed deeply causing my head to go up and down with his chest. 'Yes. Yes, you are.'

I pushed myself away from him and we both sat up straight. I rubbed my eyes before I looked up at him to ensure that my vision wasn't betraying me. His face was grim and I saw tears welling up in his eyes. 'But how is...' I stammered confusedly. 'How?' 

He turned his gaze to me and smiled as he brushed a strand of hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. 'I don't know. All I know is that I'm so happy to see you.'

I sat down in his lap and reached out to his face. I gently caressed his stubble, touched his nose and the rest of his face to ensure myself again that it was him. 'But if I'm dreaming then... are you... please tell me you're okay... tell me you'll come back...' I rattled.

He pressed his lips to my forehead. 'As much as I want to, I can't promise you all that, Jen.'

Why couldn't he promise me that? All he had to say were the simple words 'I miss you and I'll come back to you.' Tears rolled down my cheeks at the thought that he didn't know if he could come back. Maybe he didn't want to come back at all. 'Why not?'

He sighed but didn't answer.

'Do you love someone else? Is that why you left us?'

He looked at me and I noticed that I had hurt him with my use of words.  He shook his head slowly. 'No, I would never do that...' 

He lowered his gaze and I caught him staring at my finger. 'You're no longer wearing your wedding ring?'

I felt at the finger where my wedding ring once was. 'I'm sorry...'

He nodded and forced a smile on his face. 'What happened to us...'

I stared at him. 'Just come back to us. It can be as it used to be. You, me, the children. Our family.'

To my surprise, he shook his head again. 'I wish I could...'

'But... I need you...'

He swallowed the lump in his throat. 'You are the strongest woman I know. You don't need me.'

'But I love you'

He pulled me closer and rested his forehead and nose against mine. He closed his eyes and I felt his warm breath over my lips. 'I love you too'

'Please kiss me' I whispered desperately.

I knew he couldn't ignore my request. He bent his head to one side and pressed his lips against mine. I pulled him closer to me, wrapping my arms around him, kissing him just as desperately as he was kissing me. Like if we could just love long enough, hard enough, and deep enough, then the world outside would never, could never ever hurt us anymore. I instantly fell in love all over again just like I fell in love with his soul all those years ago. He slowly parted our lips. 

'You have to promise me something' he whispered softly. 

I looked up at him, still overwhelmed by the kiss we had just shared. 'What do you mean?' 

He sighed as he caressed my cheek with his thumb. 'Do you remember that evening when we decided to cook dinner together and we ended up tipsy in your bedroom?' (A/N: Unscripted - chapters 11, 12 and 13)

I nodded with a smile, thinking about this beautiful memory. 'Of course, I do.'

'Years ago when I realized that we had chemistry, I promised myself I would never fall in love with you. But that evening when it was 4 am, and we were laughing way too hard... I felt happy for the first time in a long time and I instantly knew I was screwed...' 

I nodded understandingly. 'Me too...'

'It is just so hard not to fall in love with someone like you. All I ever wanted you to be was to be happy and I can't give you that happiness anymore.'

Tears welled up in my eyes again. 'But?' I started. There is a but, right?'

He lifted my chin up with his index finger and stared into my eyes. 'I want you to be happy, and if that's not with me that's okay. You are the only person I have loved enough to put before myself. Seeing you happy makes me happy, and that's what love is.'

I felt my body starting to tremble. 'But you're the reason why I'm happy.'

He wrapped his arms around my waist. 'You can be happy without me. Deep down you already decided to move on. There was just always a bit of hope that I'd come back.' 

I nodded as tears were falling down my cheeks. He pressed a kiss against one of them and I noticed that Colin became more blurry. 

'Don't leave me again' I whispered. 

'Move on with your life, Jen. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Don't wait for me to show up.'

He slowly faded away and I opened my eyes immediately. I knew all this time that this wasn't real, but this... this was more than just a dream.