tired yet? ||cashby||

Chapter 12

Realizing that I needed to find more things to make me happy, I spent the next day with my family, and going exploring around my neighborhood. We lived in a really green area, with canopies of leaves hanging over streets, and every kind of tree imaginable. It was so easy to get myself lost listening to music and hiking around, just weaving through different streets and stopping in empty lots. I was supposed to meet Austin later that night when he texted me, and felt extremely excited. The pain of loneliness was so much less when I had things to do, places to go, and began interacting with my siblings more. Of course, I missed him badly, but, with everything in me, I was committed to getting better.

Walking a few blocks away, I carried a little sack lunch in my black drawstring bag. The sky was cloudy, and looked a little dark overhead, but the thought of pouring, drizzling rain only excited me more. Stopping in an unowned grassy field, I found a little place beneath the trees, pulled out a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and took a bite. The sun peeked out for a moment, and I enjoyed it's warmth before the clouds swallowed it up again. The great thing about today was that I felt very on top. On top of my thoughts, on top of my life, and in control of my positivity. This was exactly what I needed. I didn't want to be depressed anymore. Hitting rock bottom was a while ago for me, and I'd been working with myself ever since. Finally, things were getting better. Finally, I could feel good things again. My life needed sunshine, and laughter, and people who supported me. And, although I knew that maybe only today would be good, and I might be sad again tomorrow, I was seeing a little progress at last.

As I watched two black birds swoop around the air, my phone buzzed. Shuffling through my bag for the device, I grasped it and answered quickly.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Alan." His warm voice flooded my ear, turning my stomach into a mess of butterflies.

"Hi," I squeaked, cradling my legs into my chest and grinning like an idiot.

"So, tonight," he began. "Meet me outside at midnight, okay? If you can't, text me," he said, and I nodded even though he couldn't see me.

"Okay, sounds good," I said, biting my lip. There was an awkward silence for a moment, until he spoke again.

"So, how's your day going?" he asked, and I wanted to slap myself in the face to get the grin away.

"It's actually going really good," I responded, laying back in the grass and staring up at the leaves.

"Yeah? I'm glad. Tell me about it," he requested, sounding pleased. It made my heart feel like it was being squeezed; he actually cared.

"I ate breakfast with my family, and then I just wandered around exploring for a while until now," I recounted. He hummed on the other end.

"What are you doing now?" he asked, actually sounding interested.

"Um, I'm eating lunch in the grass!" I said lamely, not wanting to sound boring.

"All by yourself?" he asked. "Awe."

"No, it's okay. I'm having fun," I mumbled, watching those birds swoop back and forth after each other in the air.

"I wish I was there with you," he said quietly, filling my gut with warmth.

"Me, too. How's your day going?" I countered. He shuffled a little, then pulled the phone back to his ear.

"Boring," he laughed. "My parents are never really around, so I've been watching TV all day."

"What're you watching?" I asked cutely, hearing him chuckle.

"Let's see..." He paused. "I am currently watching... Full House." I snorted, curling up in the grass and wishing he was with me.

"Wow, sounds like your kind of party," I teased.
"Dude, these little twins are adorable, though. And Uncle Jesse," he added, using a jokingly deep, gravely voice.