Lights. (An AJR fanfic)

Chapter 20

20 chapters wow omg

····· JACKS POV·····

I can't remember anything, really, about the actual show itself. But I can remember holding Kay's hand the whole night. And that Ryan was annoying as hell and I wish we didn't bring him.

I lay in my bed, thinking of absolutely nothing and everything all at once, feeling the loss in my empty bed.

Ew.

I sound like sex addict or something. I just don't like sleeping in an actual bed, without Kay. I've become so accustomed to her in the past week I can't and don't want to imagine what will happen when she leaves. I'll be sleeping alone a lot more then, that's for sure.

2 more days.

2 more days until she's gone! That's impossible! It feels like I've known her forever, like she's always been apart of my life. That first night, when I first saw her, I wanted her. I needed to know her. I don't know exactly what happened, but something clicked in my brain that night that told me I had to know her. At first it was just I had to know her name, and then I had to know her connection to the concert and me, and then I had to know her whole life story. I hated the feeling but I loved it at the same time.

How strange is it that i want to know a specific stranger so bad, yet when I travel the world, meet millions of beautiful girls, all with totally different stories, I don't really want to know them. I find their names interesting, and of coarse I remember some of them, but I never come back, I never want to. I don't care for their life stories, and it hurts to admit that.

I move my hand over to the side, searching for nothing. I look at the alarm clock by my bed and it reads 1:45am. I'm tired, but I can't find sleep.

I lift my head up and slam it back down on my pillow, but it doesn't help. I screw my eyes shut, wondering, thinking, hoping my mind will just shut off.

I want to know if Kay likes me back. I know she didn't care much for me at the beginning of the week, and I'm scared that she's only here because Kari told her to be here.

I run these thoughts through my mind occasionally looking at the clock. 1:50. 1:55. 2:05.

A vertical crack of light fills my room, the door silently opening. My first thought, and I blame this on my tired mind, is Toby pushed it open. Toby was a cat of mine back home when I was younger, when I was normal,

I snap my eyes open, totally alert when I see Kay. She's in blue plaid pyjamas pants and a nirvana band t-shirt, her arms wrapped around herself.

"Jack?" She whispers, and I sit up.

"What's wrong?" I ask, sitting up. I pat the spot next to me, hoping that she'll sit and talk about it. It's so hard to get her to talk about things, I'll take every chance I get.

She sits down hesitantly, but she des r speak for a while, and neither do I.

"I can't sleep," she finally whispers. She won't look me in the eye, and my mind is screaming. I can tell she's uncomfortable, so I try to help.

"I know. It's weird sleeping in an actual bed, not a bathtub or a floor. Or a counter," I think back to Kays joke earlier about having an actual room now.

I almost beam when she lets out a relieved laugh at the joke, but I can tell she's still tense.

"Hey, let's go for a walk," I say. She looks up at me with her big, curious, cautious green eyes, and in this dark lighting they look like stars.

"It's 2:15 in the morning, Jack," she says, but she's smiling so I get up and offer my hand. She takes it-thank god- and I hold on, pulling her after me. We walk down the hall for almost ten minutes in silence, and I like the silence, but Kay eventually tugs on my hand, and I look over at her.

"I'm going to fall asleep while walking,"she says, and yawns after as if to prove it. I turn us around and start walking back the way we came from.

"So you're tired now?" I ask, grinning, but I'm tired so it's probably a weird, maybe even creepy smile. She only laughs weakly.

"I probably just needed to move around a bit. Talk to you," she says the last part quietly, but I hear it with every ounce of my being.

"Yeah," I whisper. She leans into my side, and we walk slower on some unspoken agreement.

"I couldn't sleep either. That play was just too good, I can't stop thinking about it," I say sarcastically, but I yawn halfway through it so it ruins it. Kay laughs anyway.

"You're tired now," she says, just like I said to her.

"Yeah. I probably just needed to see you," I say, and I smile down at her. I can't see her face, and shes looking down, which doesn't help. I wonder if I just ruined everything, but I'm tired and can't think straight. She's tired too, so hopefully she'll think this was a dream.

We walk the rest of the way in silence, much to my displeasure, but she keeps leaning in to me, and when I put my arm around her she doesn't resist. This is either because she's okay with it, or she's too tired to do anything about it. I hope it's the former, but there really is nothing I can do about it.

When we get to my room we don't even bother to part ways, we just shut the door behind us and climb into the bed. Kay crawls in between the two covers and I crawl under both of them, but I don't care, because she's here, with me, right now.

I'm not afraid of touching her anymore, or maybe I'm just overly tired, but I'm still hesitant when I turn on my side and face her. She snuggles her head to my chest and I wrap my arms around her, wishing so fucking bad that I could kiss her. But I can't. I don't know her, she may not like me like that, and there's no reason to act.

I rest my chin on top of her head, though, and I can smell her hair when I breathe. It smells like my shampoo, which makes me beyond happy for some reason, but underneath that it smells like Kay.

I fall asleep faster than I ever have before, and for now I feel at peace in my mind.

·····

Sorry it's so short, and sorry it sucks, and sorry it took so long xD

I had work and walks and dances and so many things that involve moving the last week. I'm so crappy feeling. I apologize. I love you:)