imagines | d.t

those girls [e.d]

he shuts the door carefully, as i carry the groceries into the kitchen.

i let them down on the kitchen isle before resting both my elbows on it, holding my head in my hands and sighing defeatedly.

tears cloud my vision as it becomes blurry, my bottom lip trembling but i bite it to try and stop myself from becoming a sobbing mess.

i hear ethan's footsteps and the crinkling of the grocery bags while he walked towards the kitchen. he sets them down and i feel his hand being placed on my back, rubbing it slowly.

"baby? are you okay?" his soft voice asks me quietly. i blink away the tears and calm myself before standing up right and using my arm to wipe my eyes, nodding my head quickly.

"yeah" ,my voice comes out low and cracked but i clear my throat, "yeah."

i look up at ethan to see that his eyes were full of concern and sadness. he didn't believe me but hesitantly let it go.

i begin to unpack the groceries and place them were they should be. ethan does the same as we organize the items in silence after his many attempts to start small talk.

once we're done, i practically sprint to our room and lock the door. my breaths becoming heavy as my chest heaved up and down rapidly.

my back rests against the door, scenarios of those girls playing in my head. the girls at the grocery store.

i walk to the bed and sit on it, bending my knees and hiding my face in my hands.

a sob escapes my mouth as the tears begin to flow. more loud sobs follow after, while i struggle to breath.

they were prettier, skinnier.
they're better than you.

i hear loud footsteps on the stairs before a banging on the door. "y/n! y/n, open up!" ethan yells from the other side.

i sniffle, my breathing rate being far from normal. i dig my fingernails into the palm of my hands, trying to forget.

"y/n open the fucking door!" ethan shouts as his voice becomes louder, if that was even possible.

i always looked fat, they were right. i have no idea why ethan was with me when he could be with one of those girls.

i knew it was true but it hurt, it hurt so much.

hesitantly, i got up and walked towards the body length mirror, staring at the fat figure that was in front of me.

"you're so ugly." i whisper to myself with a shaky voice, disgusted by my own appearance.

"you'll never be like them." my bottom lip quivered with every word that was spoken, "you'll never be good enough, you'll always be a worthless piece of shit."

my hand flew to my mouth as i hiccuped, sobbing loudly. ethan yells through the door but i tune him out, too focused on what i was saying to myself.

my legs traveled back towards the bed; i hide my head in my legs and pull up my knees, trying to muffle my sobs.

my fingernails dig into my skin once again, creating crescent shaped marks before blood pours out of them.

i cry out in pain, sobs following after while i tried to catch my breath.

three consequent loud bangs sound in the room, making me look up through my tears. another bang is heard before the door falls forwards and a panting ethan is all that's left in sight.

ethan rushes onto the bed before lifting me up to straddle him and hugging me tightly, one hand on my lower head and the other on my upper back, gripping firmly.

i don't resist, letting my head fall to his shoulder, sobbing into his shirt.

"baby" he whimpers after pulling away, his hands latching onto my wrist and seeing the palm of my hands.

my hands slip from his grip as his eyes meet mine, the hurt on his face making my chest ache.

"what's going on, y/n?" ethan whispers, my head lowers and i fiddle with my thumbs. "you can tell me anything, baby, you know that." he pleads, taking one of my hands in his own, making sure not to hurt me.

i clear my throat since my voice was breaking but it comes out as a whisper, "those- those girls at the grocery store. why aren't you with someone like them?"

ethan stays silent, his gaze still heavy on me, "w-what?". a shaky breath leaves my mouth, tears rolling down my red cheeks.

"why aren't you with someone like them?" i repeat. "y/n, which girls?" he asks confused.

"the girls thats were by the cashier, the ones that were skinny and pretty." i whisper, my voice breaking.

"is that what this is about?" he asks quietly. i don't respond and stop fiddling with my thumbs, breathing in deeply to try and stop myself from stuttering.

"y/n, is that what this is about?" ethan asks again, his hands cupping my face to make me face him.

my eyes hesitantly met his, seeing so many different emotions. his thumbs wiped my tears and moved my head closer to his.

"i'm with you because i love everything about you. your hair, your eyes, your body, your personality, everything. there's not one thing about you that i don't love. i'm with you, because i love you y/n."  ethan whispers to me, his nose pressing against mine.

"don't ever think that you're not perfect or good enough for me. you're the most beautiful person i've ever laid eyes on, i'm so lucky to be able to call you mine. and it breaks my heart knowing you don't see what i see when i look at you." his voice cracks at the end of his sentence.

"i love you, okay? i love you so much, baby." ethan repeats, his eyes never leaving mine.

i nod slowly, my breathing becoming normal once again.

he leans in lightly and pushes his soft lips against mine, in a passionate kiss. slowly pulling away and looking down, he mumbles, "please don't ever think that again."