Possession [s.m]

32.

•rebecca•

As the sun comes up in the morning, i try to find the joy I usually feel in the morning but the joy is lost.

Last nights memories are still so fresh in my mind, and being in this room alone, it's giving me time and space to process it.

The fact that Shawn attempted to kill Jason is so confusing to me. I hate Jason for what he made me go through, and for a small minute when he was ripping my clothes off of me, I did wish he was dead.

I don't know how to feel, but all I know is that I'm afraid. I'm afraid about what's going to happen, I'm afraid about the words that Shawn used to describe his attempted murder and I'm afraid to go out and face the world.

Shawn did this for me, he always said he would kill anyone who hurt me, but this isn't just one of his kills in the past, where he had his gang to protect him. This is so different, and even if Jason did something horrible to me, I could never want Shawn to attempt to kill him.

What turns a knob in my heart is the attempted part.

What happens now? Shawn goes to jail?

I put on a silk slip before making my way down stairs, not noticing how slow I am. This is just all so tiring and messes with my head too much.

When I reach the kitchen, Shawn is sitting on one of the kitchen island chairs, wearing a white dress shirt and black dress pants. He has a half eaten plate in front of him and a cup of coffee in his hand.

I can feel Shawn's strong gaze on me as I make my breakfast, but I refuse to look at him. The glance I got from him before was too hard. There were red circles around his dark eyes and his shoulders were haunched.

I avoid his intimidating stare as I take a seat next to him, digging into my food.

Shawn scoffs at my silence and gets up to walk to the sink. The dishes make a loud bang when he throws them in, but I don't flinch.

"So you're not talking to me now? You're going to sleep in a different room forever?"

"Shawn I'm just so scared." I tell him, my voice breaking at the end. "What is going to happen?"

"Let me hold you." Shawn walks over to me and holds me tight. There's always something about being enveloped by Shawn that is just perfect.

I begin to cry on his chest, my body shaking tremendously. Shawn strokes the back of my head and my back.

"Are you going to jail?" I whimper, playing with my fingernails.

"Hell no. Shawn Mendes will never go to jail. William's lawyer is the best in the city, he's going to get me out of this, okay?" Shawn says with the highest amount of certainty.

"Okay." I doubt, turning my head back to lay it on his chest. "B-But what about Jason? Wh—"

Suddenly Shawn let's go of me and backs away while shaking his head.

"Why do you care about Jason? Don't fucking say his name like he's your friend." Shawn digs his hands into his hair and pulls on his hair lightly.

Everything is about Jason. Shawn attempted to kill him, there's too many questions in my head involving Jason.

Where is he now? Is he okay? Is he regretful of what he did, now?

Before I could yell back at Shawn the doorbell rings and Shawn walks over to the door.

"Who's there? You didn't tell me someone was coming." I stop him looking down at my attire.

"It's fine..." He trails off, his eyes trailing down my dress. "Actually yes go change."