Possession [s.m]

19.

•rebecca•

I wake up in the morning, my mind still in shock of what happened the night before.

I don't want to think about it, because every time I do, my heart syncs just a little more.

I don't want to cry about it either, although it's pretty hard to hold it in, because crying doesn't solve anything.

The Shawn I saw last night was the same Shawn in my nightmares, the one I prayed I would never see again.

It hurts too much, way too much.

When I look at myself in the body mirror in his room, I look at my neck and she the dark red marks through my dark skin.

I should've brought a turtle neck, because these marks will remind me of that night until they're gone.

You would think that I would take it a little bit easier because it's happened before, but it's shocking because I never believed for a second that he would put his hands on me like that.

A slap would have been less of a shock, because I would've probably hit him back and put up a fight, despite the fact that I would lose. It would've just been just a slap, with the intent to hurt me slightly.

He wrapped his hands around my neck, and squeezed the breath out of my lungs. The last time he did such a thing, he was yelling about how he could kill me.

I know how messed up it is, but I can't believe how much I hoped he would've slapped me last night instead of strangled me.

Unsurprisingly, I check my phone and see that I have almost sixty missed calls from Shawn. Sixty. The voicemails are twenty, and I have to stop myself before listening to them.

I won't be able to hear his voice right now. The voicemails probably consist of him screaming into the phone and begging for me to come home.

Maybe if I hear how sorry he is, it might help the emptiness I feel inside.

Before I can press the first voicemail from him, a sudden knock at the door stops me.

I quickly put on a pair of sweatpants and a sweater instead of my shorts and undershirt before opening the door.

Jason's smile is the first thing I see when I open it, his happy golden brown eyes next.

"Sorry, it's like two in the afternoon and I began to think that maybe you were dead in here."

I let out a laugh, knowing it sounds pathetic. "No, I'm fine. I didn't even realize I slept this long." I tell him, not wanting to tell him that I've been awake for hours, I was just so caught up in last nights memories to walk out of this room.

He walks in and digs into his closet for a clean set of clothes, as I grab my bag and stuff everything back inside.

We don't have classes today, so it's a perfect opportunity for me to drive back to Toronto and be with my mom and my sister.

"Shit." I curse under my breath when I realize that I don't have a car to drive there. I could take a bus, or a plane but I don't have money, and if I use Shawn's card he gave me, he'll know where I make all of these purchases.

I don't want to stay here though. I'll just be like a cockroach in his apartment, and he probably wants me to leave.

"What?" He asks, waking over to me with a pair a grey sweatpants and a white shirt in his arms.

"Nothing, I just realized I don't have a car to go to Toronto." I stuff my face in my hands.

"Toronto?" He questions. "Why do you want to go back home?"

"I just need to see my mom." I tell him, trying to think of different ways I could go about this.

This is why I need to get myself a job so I stop depending on Shawn for everything in my life. Shawn is right, I could never be an independent woman if I depend on him for everything in my life.

Then again, I never thought I would be in such a vulnerable situation.

"Well I would drive you, but you know, I'm on a college budget, and gas is pretty expensive in New York." He tries to hide the flush in his cheeks, and I catch myself giggling.

"It's okay. I'll find a way." I say, putting on my socks because of how cold it is in this house, but I don't mind.

I've always liked it slightly cold in the house. Shawn curses at me when I open the window at night, but I tell him it's because I love to sleep enveloped in warm sheets. He thinks I'm crazy for it, but he always lets me.

My mind drifts to that night. I begged for him to let me open the balcony doors, and he did but claimed that he would make me warmer than the sheets ever could by, "fucking you over and over"

"Rebecca," Jason begins, and the memory flies away. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours, and I'm already reminiscing. "You know you can stay here as long as you like, Kat is coming here soon too."

I look up at him, thinking that he's just saying this to be nice, but his eyes look genuine.

"You really don't mind?" I can't help but ask.
"Of course not! It gets pretty boring here by myself anyways." Jason reassures me, his words accompanied with his pearly whites.

Jason has to be the nicest person I ever met in my life. He has such a kind heart, and I knew it from the moment I saw him. Under the dark clothes, and the leather jackets, he has to be the nicest person I've ever met.

"Thank you." I choke out, that familiar lump in my throat firming.

***

The day went on with the three of us in Jason's apartment.

While we were cooking, Kat was telling us about the history of her name and I almost slipped up and told her about Katerina.

Jason filled the air with his jokes that I found funny because they weren't funny at all.

We cooked together, with scraps we had to dig up from Jason's fridge then  Kat ordered some pizza because she couldn't stand eating the Mac and cheese mixed with the hot-dogs.

Here we are now, our stomachs full of pizza and popcorn, laid on the couch and watching a horror movie.

Although, I couldn't stop laughing through the whole movie because Jason would always say something to make me laugh.

"Why the fuck is she going upstairs?"

"Get the fuck back!" He screamed at the small possessed girl.

"Why did we choose to watch this movie?!"

Kat excuses herself to go to the washroom and I watch her as she sneaks up behind Jason. She brings her lips close to his ear and inhaled loudly, caused him to let out a high pitched scream and drop the popcorn all over him.

Not being able to hold it in, I burst out laughing. When I laugh, I laugh. I laugh so hard that I fall forward on the floor and hit my head on the glass table.

When I look up, Jason and Kat are laughing at me and I can't help but join them.

It seems like with every laugh and every smile, I forget about Shawn just a little more.

***

Double chapterssss...

um I realize that y'all probably want to see more of Shawn and Rebecca but this is what must happen, a little bit of time apart..

I'll probably update again tomorrow, if not friday ilyy!!

like no fr, like I love you, y'all are so funny and so supportive of the story, like 💜💜

^i don't use a Purple Heart lightly, if I do, I must REAAALLLYYY like you!

k bye