The Difference Between Vulnerability And Desolation Is Fear | Aphmau AU

Four/Seventeen

The 24th of October, Tuesday, 2017.

After a few hours of the two of us hanging out, or actually him reading and me daydreaming, I started falling asleep. He walked over and helped me to lay down, and then left, keeping on my two lamps that were beside my bed. I couldn't stand the dark. It reminded me of when I died, when I saw nothing for at least an hour, until I awoke in some other dimension. It also reminded me of the terrible dreams I had, where everything was dark, and nothing was brightly coloured. It terrified me.
   I laid flat on my back, staring up at the ceiling, oxygen mask no longer strapped to my face. I wanted to be able to turn on my side, curl into a ball, or hug my pillow for comfort, but I couldn't. I was stuck like a turtle on its back, accept I couldn't even attempt to get up. The antidepressant wearing off, so I almost started crying. I didn't know why I was crying, or at least for what reason, I just felt like bawling my eyes out.

The 25th of October, Wednesday, 2017.

I cried myself to sleep, so when I was woken the next morning, I was woken to my eyes feeling damp and weird. "You okay?" My mom muttered, sitting on the bed beside me. "You look like you were crying..."
   "Water." I mutter, my voice sounding worse since my throat and mouth was dry. Also because I didn't want to get into why I was crying.
   She sighed but nodded and walked out, coming back with it. She set it on the bedside table, helped to sit me up, and then helped me drink it. "Were you crying because of pain?"
   "No." 
   She nods and kisses my forehead. "That's all I need to know." I blush and look away. I attempt to move my body, but was unable, so I gave up.
   "Uh, your dad ordered a tv for you and some weird stick thing so you won't be bored." She smiled at me, looking around. "But I'm going to stay with you for a while. Your dad's busy and Melissa doesn't want to make sure you are okay, so I'm doing it." 
   I nod and look away. "Sorry..."
   "Nothing to be sorry for. We haven't talked in a while anyway, it'll be nice~" She sat in the armchair, scanning the room.
   "You sound creepy." I mumble, smiling weakly. She laughed and shook her head. Normally she did that when I said something stupid, but she was smiling this time, so I took it as a good thing.
   She took her phone out of her pocket and did something, before clearing her throat not too long after. "Aphmau's mom sent me a paragraph that's from both herself and Aphmau."
   "Read it to me!" I instantly begged. Anything to do with how she was doing or what she was doing would help with the rain cloud circling my head - I knew that for a fact. 
   She nods and smiled. "'Rachel, I just wanted to give you an update on Aphmau. We told her that Aaron has woken up and she has been livelier and has started to come out of her house. She still is nowhere near as happy as she used to be, but she's better than a month ago. We were wondering if we could send a letter for Aaron to read, or have read to him, or even call, since it would help both of them. Thank you.'"
   "CALL!" I shouted eagerly, trying to sit up. I didn't even move a centimetre.
   "Calm down!" She said quickly. "I'll ask, but don't be disappointed if she can't right now." Since my breathing had gone weird again from excitement, she grabbed the oxygen mask and put it back on my while texting. I whined since I wanted to talk to her, and it'd be difficult for her to understand me with it on. 
   About five minutes later the phone started ringing quietly, and then she put it on speaker. After the fifth ring, they picked up. “Hey Rachel." It was Sylvanna.
   "So Aphmau is there with you?" She said, cutting straight to the point.
   "Right next to me, yeah."
   I don't know why she even asked. There was yelling in the background, Aphmau's voice, clamouring to talk to me. "Could you pass the phone to her?" Mom asked, lifting off my oxygen mask.
   "Yep. Wa- APHMAU!"
   "Aaron?!" Aphmau asked only a split second later, sound effects showing she stole to the phone and didn't wait for her mom to give it to her.
   My mom took it off speaker and put the speaker end on my pillow right next to my ear. She then made her way out before gesturing for me to yell if I needed help.
   "Aphmau?" My voice was suddenly hoarse again. I had to clear my throat and then ask again.
   "OH THANK IRENE, YOU'RE OKAY!" She yelled, beginning to sniff. She'd been crying. The tone of her voice said absolutely everything. She was crying now as well. So was I. "Finally! It's been so lo-!" She stopped talking.
   "Aphmau?" My voice said, cracking.