The Difference Between Vulnerability And Desolation Is Fear | Aphmau AU

Fourteen/Seventeen

The 6th of May, Saturday, 2018.

Late evening the next day, I surfaced from my room. Garroth, Zane, Lucinda and Kim were on the couches talking outside my room. Garroth saw me and he smiled. All the others turned and did the same thing. They'd been told to be careful too. "Hi." I whisper, slowly walking over.
   "How have you been?" Lucinda asked, making room for me.
   I sat beside Kim, sighing. "Terrible."
   "No wonder." Garroth said. "Aphmau has been the same."
   "She didn't have to learn everything you did as a baby all over again." I mutter although I felt bad about saying it.
   Lucinda's eyes started sparkling suddenly. "Oh yeah! How long did it take?"
   "A month. But I still can't run and getting off the floor is difficult."
   Zane leaned back. "Must be difficult to masturbate then."
   "ZANE!" They all yelled, making me jump slightly, and Kim slapped him.
   "What?" He asked, smirking.
   "Why on earth would you say that?!" Lucinda asked.
   "Why not? Rachel said we could ask questions!"
   Kim groaned quietly. "I don't know what ghost sees in you."
   "HEY!" She said, her voice darker.
   My heart started beating fast from all of the yelling. "S-Stop yelling." I whispered, breathing slow suddenly so much that I put my hand on my heart.
   They all turned to me. "Are you ok?" Garroth asked.
   "C-Can you go downstairs and ask my dad to get my oxygen mask?" I ask since my heart wouldn't slow down at all.
   Kim got up and ran downstairs, coming back with it. I quickly put it around my face and closed my eyes, breathing completely fine now, in fact taking deep breaths. Kim slowly sat beside me. "Does this happen often?"
   I nod, opening my eyes and looking at them. Even Zane looked worried. "All the time."
   "What triggers it? Just so we know." Kim asked.
   "Yelling, too make people, as you know, when things start to go wrong or when I'm stressed." I mumble, taking another deep breath then taking it off. "I should really just carry this around with me, it happens so much."
   Garroth smiled a little. "I didn't realize you were that bad. Aphmau said you were in a bad state, but..."
   "Yeah. But I could be much worse - dead."
   "Don't say that."
   I shrug. "It's true."
   "That doesn't mean it is a good thing to say." I shrug again, looking at the floor. "Anyway. We were going to ask if you wanted to go out to dinner. There's now a restaurant on this part of the island."
   I shrug again and nod. "Ok."
   "Should you bring your mask thing?"
   I shake my head. "I'll be fine." I say, standing.
   We all walk downstairs, and I saw the werewolves on the couch again. "Oh, hold on." I slowly walk over to them. "Hey."
   They look up. "Hey!"
   Looking towards the others, I motion to them. They smile and nod, getting what I meant. "You wanna come to dinner with us?"
   "Us?" Maria asked, then they turned their head around to see them. "Oh. Humans?"
   "Well, yeah. Nice humans."
   "Fine." Blaze says, and they stand too. Garroth leads us out and we walk to the restaurant, everyone trying to make a conversation until we found one that kept going, until we shut up when we got to the restaurant.
   We talked again when at the large table but shut up when our food came. I had to leave for five minutes to the bathroom, having a minor social anxiety attack, but walked back out the second it ended and managed to get through the rest of the night.
   We went to the beach after because it was supposed to be beautiful at night, and without a doubt it was. We stared at the sunset shining on the water for ten minutes until it went completely dark, and then the lights around the resort turned on. There was even lights in the sand.
   After that, the werewolves went to their hut and we walked into the house. They all knew where their rooms were so they all went to them, and I stayed outside my room in the sitting area with my mom, watching a film. Dad came up too and watched half way through.
   When the credits started I went straight to my room and locked the door. I didn't break down for the first time yet, and went to bed, falling asleep because I was so exhausted.