The Difference Between Vulnerability And Desolation Is Fear | Aphmau AU

Six/Seventeen

The 25th of October, Wednesday, 2017.

Six hours. That's how long we spent doing physical therapy. Six, very long hours. By the end, I was able to move my hands perfectly. The time was 4pm when we started, so we worked all the way until 10pm. He did it voluntarily and refused money when dad tried to give him a little extra when he gave him his wages for the month, so he pretended to put it in his pocket but actually kept it in there.
   I was already falling asleep by then, so when the doctor left, he helped me lay down (I'd been sat up before), pulled the blanket over me then turned off the main light. "You need anything?" He asked before he was about to leave.
   I shook my head, nuzzling my pillow. "No thanks..."
   He sighed nodded, leaving. The door locked with a key, which I somewhat understood. If it wasn't to keep me safe, then I don't know why. He also locked my window and only opened it when he was with me. My mom has a copy of the door and window key too but no one else has one.
   I didn't sleep. I don't know why, I was extremely tired, but I couldn't sleep. And about two hours later (I have a clock and I still had my beside lamp on), I saw the lights in the hallway turn on. I didn't panic because Melissa tended to walk down to the kitchen in the middle of the night, grab snacks, walk back to her room then continued to whatever to hell she was doing. 
   The footsteps lead to my bedroom door, stopped, and then I heard the key unlocking. I started to panic and worry about being yelled at for still being awake and closed my eyes, pretending like I was asleep. The door opened, clearly my dad sighed in relief, then shut it and locked it again.
   I have to admit, that warmed my heart. When I was a senior in high school, he never checked on me. My mom would when she knew something bad happened, and comfort me if I wasn't asleep, but dad never did. He didn't care back then. According to mom, he stopped when I was five. I think now he realised that I was much worse than before and was more prone to panic attacks, seizures and going to be in a much worse emotional situation.

The 26th of October, Thursday, 2017.

I must have fallen asleep after that because I awoke to dad sitting in the armchair, on his laptop, also drinking coffee. Also he had eye bags so I imagined he had been sitting there for ages. Looking at the clock, I saw it was 9:54am. I whimpered silently to get his attention.
   His head shot up like a rocket. "Oh. Morning." He looked straight back at his laptop screen.
   "Hungry!" I said quickly. I wasn't really. I just wanted something to keep me busy.
   Checking something else, he then finished what he was doing, got up, and left. He came back ten minutes later with a plate and set it on the table, helped me sit up, then pulled over his chair and helped me eat. "The doctor is coming here at 12 and he said he'd start work on getting at least one arm to work. Apparently arms are easier to help compared to your legs and torso. Then hopefully you can start feeding yourself."
   I sighed quietly. "Great... It's like being one year old again..."
   He snorted in laughter. "At least you can chew on your own, stop complaining."
   I glare and don't look at him while I did it, therefore glaring at a wall. I didn't even open my mouth when he tried to give me pancakes. Of course, that made him sigh. "C'mon, eat."
   "No."
   "Alright." He shrugged and put it down, going back on his laptop after giving me even more antidepressant. At this point he was drugging me because I wasn't acting normal, and not when I felt depressed.
   I didn't look at him, I didn't move. The only thing I did was blink and breathe. When the doctor arrived, I made no effort whatsoever. Sure, I didn't feel depressed, but I knew I was. And only ten minutes later, I started shaking so violently that I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop when dad asked me to. I didn't know what was happening, but the doctor obviously did because he immediately called somebody, and then I realised how serious it was because it was 911.
   He told them that I was having a seizure.