The Difference Between Vulnerability And Desolation Is Fear | Aphmau AU

Thirteen/Seventeen

The 5th of May, Friday, 2018.

I spent all day in that bedroom having breakdowns, and didn't stop till I fell asleep at 12am. I was supposed to have physical therapy with the resort's doctor for a few hours but I wasn't forced to go, so I didn't. The morning after, I was woken by my mom. "Aaron?" She sat on the edge of the bed, a hand on my back to wake me.
   I jumped and jerked back from fright, making me start to cry. "You scared me!"
   "Sorry!" She let go and sighed. "I-I was just going to say that your werewolf friends want to show you the beach. And don't worry, I didn't tell them much. Only that you needed to be treated carefully. I didn't tell them about being an Ultima or what happened, you can do that on your own. Ok?"
   I shake my head and sink back more. "I don't want to go out."
   "You can stay in the house grounds. I'm sure they won't mind."
   "Maybe later." I grab the duvet and huddled into a ball, wrapping it around me. She sighed and walked out. "Do whatever at your own pace. Aphmau is arriving in two days."
   I look over at my suitcases that were stood at the end of my bed. I budged over slowly and lifted the smaller one onto my bed, rummaging in it and taking out the voice recorder Aphmau sent me. I also grabbed my headphones and plugged them in, shoved them on my head, then hit play and closed my eyes, listening to her voice.
   I listened to it five times before I took off the headphones and unpacked all my things then walked downstairs, seeing all five on the couch, talking. I slowly walked over, shuffling like I was crippled. "Hey." I mutter.
   Blaze's head shot up. "Hey! We didn't think you'd come out of your room."
   I look at the floor. "Well I'm here now."
   Maria smiled. "You sure are."
   "Beach?" Daniel asked. He was holding a comically large beach ball.
   Nodding, I kept my head down. Dottie ran over and grabbed my hand. "Come on!" She said, pulling me out into the garden. I instinctively pulled my arm away and walked backwards a few steps.
   "Dottie! Rachel said we have to be gentle!" Rylan said.
   "Oh!" Her ears flattened. "I'm sorry Aaron."
   "It's fine." I whisper, although I wasn't. Every time somebody touched me with no warning I remembered how Ein kept throwing me around, beating me up and trying to kill me.
   Her ears stayed down. She knew she did something wrong, she just didn't know what. "Come on." Blaze tried to the snap us out of it and walked out, the rest of us following. I look around the garden as we walked through it, amazed. We walked out a gate that lead to our own private part of the beach. "Have you been out here before?"
   "No." I stared at the water, smiling.
   Maria and Dottie laid on deck chairs talking while Daniel, Blaze and Rylan played fetch with his ball. I just kind of stood there, staring at the sea. "Are you ok?" Maria asked worryingly.
   "I'm fine." I sat on the sand by the gate and kept watching the sea. Eventually I stopped watching it and watched the ball instead, badly having the urge to chase it too.
   Rylan noticed. "You wanna play?"
   Nodding, I kept staring at the ball as Blaze threw it. "But I can't."
   "How come?"
   "I can't run after things."
   "Oh..." He walked over and sat beside me, keeping me company, which was nice to have somebody my age other than a bratty sister to talk to.
   I walked back after five hours and saw mom and dad talking about something. "I’m hungry." I said when I got over.
   Mom laughed a little. "Oh are you?"
   I nod.
   She laughed more. "Come on then." She grabbed my arm and we walked to a cafe not that far away. Half way there I let out my ears and tail because everybody else had. She didn't say anything but she smiled more.
   When we walked back, Garroth, Zane, Lucinda and Kim were there. I stopped when I saw them. Garroth saw me and smiled. "Hey buddy!"
   I walked down instantly, very slowly. "What's wrong?" Dad asked, confused.
   Too many people.
   Too many people.
   Too many people.
   Too many people.
   Too many people.
   Too many people.
   "Too many people!" I shouted, running up to my room. I slammed the door shut and locked it, my breathing unsteady. I had another panic attack, but started shaking more than usual. It wasn't a seizure, I was just more worked up than normal.
   I couldn't calm down enough to open the door when Mom asked to come in half an hour after. I had to crawl away from the door, but went weak while I was only half way to the bed and fell. I didn't try and get up because I felt too stressed to.