The Woman Dividing |GagaxCooper

Stay like this Forever

Stefani

When Lea finally closed her eyes a smile crossed my face. I have always loved children, but the thought of carrying and having my own makes me afraid. In 2013 when I had broken my hip I developed something called fibromyalgia (a chronic disorder characterized by widespread internal pain and tenderness in many different areas of the human body) I have always been scared of what would happen to all my organs and bones. Yes, I would love to have kids one day, but I don't think I'm going to be ready for a long time.

The sleeping infant that I was gently rocking in her bedroom rocker started to flutter her eyelashes.

"Are you faking it baby girl?" I giggled

The fluttering stopped and she continued to sleep. This must be a thing she does in her sleep that I was going to fall in love with seeing. She looked so peaceful and probably had no idea that her mother is missing. She never really saw her anyways.

Due to the early birth, she was in the NICU for three weeks then brought home. While she was there her mother's life went back to normal and her father was desperately waiting for the phone call that's she's good to come home.

When she was brought home Irina didn't care too much that the "worlds most boring baby" was present in her life. I never found out the true reason why Irina left, but for now, I think it was the best decision for the family.

For the next two hours, I sat there watching the baby sleep with a few eyelash flutters every now and then. Out of nowhere, she hiccuped which then woke her up from her deep slumber.

She instantly looked for her dad, but when she locked eyes with me the tears starting to fill her eyes turned into sparkles as the frown on her face flipped to a smile.

"Baby girl you are awake!" I beamed

Since she was too little to talk she did that slobbery mouth opening and closing thing.

"Are you hungry" I stood up putting my left arm under her bum and my right gently on her back, "I think miss mama is hungry"

I walked out of her room which goes into a living space than the open kitchen and sat her down onto the counter. Since she is five months old and is on the chubbier side so she sat up easily without a pillow or back support.

She started giggling as I danced around the somewhat clean (with tons of dishes in the sink) kitchen before I reached into the fridge to grab her water and formula. She watched me make it and stared at every movement I made.

Her eyes were the most beautiful shade of gray and blue I have ever seen.

Lea started to make fussy noises as she knew her bottle was ready. I handed it to her and she started to fall backwards. I quickly reached my arms out to grab her before serious injuries could happen. I picked her off the counter and walked her into the family room. Then I sat on the couch with my back against the arm rest in my knees bent so she could lay against them.

I was watching her drink her bottle while playing with her soft feet. Apparently she was ticklish since she started to giggle almost choking on the milk.

"Baby girl I don't need you choking" I smiled pulling the bottle out of her mouth.

"Ah" She said pulling it back

I just smiled.

"Promise me something Lea" I closed my eyes for a second "Don't grow up... Stay like this forever"

She stared at me most likely not understanding.

"Once you grow up everybody starts relying on you for things. They put you into a stereotype box and you'll have to live like that the rest of your life." I took a deep breath "You like sports? You're a tomboy so you have to play sports and like boy things.. You like pink? Of course you are a princess!'" I mocked the voices I heard growing up

"You are loud and want to stand out? You must be a freak!" I found myself ranting to a baby.

"If you stay like this nobody will expect you to fit in yet. Nobody will care what choices you make" My voice started to crack "And if you do grow up... don't listen to the negatives people tell you... take your own damn flashlight and shine your own way"

When I said the last word I covered my mouth hoping she didn't hear the curse. She just stared at me blankly like she knows what I mean.

Here I am having an adult conversation with a baby.

When she finished the bottle I grabbed it and placed it on the desk.

Within minutes of just giggling back-and-forth there was a key rattling the door handle.

"Daddy is home!"

The door swung open and the footsteps came closer to us.

"Bradley?" My voice cracked