Actors

02. Real life is hard

"Did you find a solution?" The worry in his voice is visible. This is the third time he calls me today. It's late and I need to rest before meeting my "fiancé" tomorrow.

"Yeah, I found a solution. Everything should be cleared up soon. You have nothing to worry about, I told you," I pause to wait for a response. Nothing. It's disheartening.

"Just remember that what I do, I do to protect you." It's probably hopeless to remind him but I need him to know I wouldn't break my promise to protect him.

Yet, there was a part of this very promise that I had to break. I was tired of being second, tired of lying to myself, and hiding from others. I had been his "dirty little secret" for years. I'm the one he keeps in the dark. His family couldn't find out he was still talking to me. They along with my love have an image to uphold with his husband and family. For years, I stayed silent but this was the end of it all, I couldn't do it anymore.

I couldn't remain by his side knowing that he rejected my love once again. I had suggested, almost begged, for him to divorce that man and to come with me. I was willing to leave the country to be with him, leave it all behind but only an apologetic look was given to me. After all this time, I'm still no one to him— pathetic.

There had been a time where he was the center of my world but today I had to let him go. I have to leave him behind and bury him deep in the confines of my heart. My love for him and his indiscretion had almost ended my career. Every time he called for me, I ran to him without hesitation. These days it had been getting harder and harder to meet up. I was the rising actor who could possibly surpass Jeon Jungkook. I was becoming someone who had many possibilities to grow. While, Taehyung was getting involved in charities which he was allowed to participate in.

It's hard to imagine the meek boy was the one I planned to marry but he had someone with a name, who had class, education in the best schools, universities and more money than I'll ever see. There was a difference between the husband and I— everything to do with money. I wasn't someone that could secure Taehyung's social status, at the time. As the years went by, I realized that I would remain in second place. It didn't matter that Kim SeokJin was becoming a household name, or that my wealth incremented vastly, or that I'm someone you can't overlook— not anymore. I wanted him beside me but this love led me nowhere.

It seems people don't get a clear understanding of how money makes the world go round until you experience something like this. My heart was left stomped on and all because I didn't have a family name to back me up, nor did I have the money. The day he told me he was married still lives vividly in my mind. His marriage confession took me by surprise but it drove me to the mindset "I have to succeed". It wasn't only to prove Jeon wrong but Taehyung too.

Taehyung chose money over the love he promised he had for me. I should've left then but I had promised to be there for him. I'd foolishly made that promise when I believed it was just us against the world; only to find out I was the only one fighting for us. His actions, his words never made me question his real intentions. Every audition call, he'd been there supporting me, cheering me on. It felt like all our time together had been a lie. That's how I felt upon hearing the news but slowly he reeled me back in.

I stayed there to listen to him, to try and comprehend him. I needed some answers. The answers I got were real, he bared his insecurities. He never doubted my talent but he knew it would be some time before I saw any real income. He wanted to be a part of the rich kids he grew up with— he wanted to be them. I accepted his truth.

"Hyung," he whispers.

"Taehyungie, listen, this will probably be the last time you hear from me. It's better you hear the upcoming news from me. I'm engaged and I don't think it's appropriate for us to continue whatever this is." The words thankfully leave my mouth and come out clearly.