journal entry || Cyrus Goodman + TJ Kippen

journal 6

(hey guys, i mean gays, im putting a trigger warning. the following chapter includes: homophobic slurs and bullying. also. this is my first time writing a big scene like this. it might be terrible. who know. but please keep in mind this was my first time writing like this.) there also might be some typos, since this chapter is long. i proof read the whole chapter but i could have missed some typos, so if you see, try to ignore or leave a comment and ill fix it. enjoy!

"tj kippen, get your ass up for school! come on, chop, chop!" i heard amber shout at me through the door. i groaned and threw my extra pillow at the door. "can you shut the hell up, amber?!" i snapped at her before siding up and rubbing my tires eyes. the events and feelings from yesterday flooded back, chasing the smile off my face. "we are leaving in an hour, get ready!" i heard her yell before she skipped back to her own room. i unwillingly got up and grabbed a white t-shirt and some black ripped jeans. i tucked the shirt in and tied my shoes. i started leaving my hair alone, only brushing it and allowing it to be fluffy and a little wavy. i grew tired of wearing a pound of hair gel.

—

i arrived at school 30 minutes before the bell is supposed to ring, good. i started walking to the gym when i heard the sound of a basket ball hitting the floor. great, who do i have to scare out this time?

i open the doors, arms crossed and ready to yell st whatever freshman was in the gym, but almost paused when i saw cyrus and buffy. just almost.

"the fuck you're doing here driscoll? thought we cleared this up last time?" i asked, moving to the center of the court. buffy scoffed. god, she's annoying. "it's a gym, kippen. we can share it." she said, and then she looked to cyrus, who had his head laid low. he didn't tell her. "listen, driscoll. i don't care about you or your friends "sharing" ordeal. i want the both of you off my court, now." i said it, and a small sting appeared in my chest when i said "your friend" with the words "i don't care." i ignored it, because i meant what i said. i want them both out.

buffy looked at me and then to cyrus, waiting for cyrus to saying something that would hit my soft side.

"buffy, lets just go." he muttered and started walking, buffy paused before chasing after him, looking back at me before she left the gym and i just smirked. why am i so fucking stupid? no, they don't deserve it. they don't deserve my kindness. not after what they did. not after how cyrus made me feel. made. because i don't feel that anymore. right?
i shake away my thoughts and grab a basket ball off of the racket.

—

12:34 pm, lunch time.

"yo kippen, you sitting with us to today?" reed asked as he cut in front of three freshmen in line. i nodded "yeah, why wouldn't i?" i asked. "i don't know, you've been weird lately. after you started talking to that cyrus kid." my jaw clinched at the sound of my friend addressing him, i gripped my tray tighter as we walked up the line. "yeah," i started. "we don't hang out anymore." i added. reed grabbed a corn dog from the booth. "why?" he asked. i shrugged. "dunno, just not my type i guess." he shrugged. "alright."

not my type

reed and i paid for our lunch and sat down at our usual seats, well, what was our usual seats before i met cyrus. "yooo, tj! haven't seen you in ages!" tyler shouted and reached out to fist bump me. i smiled "tyler, we saw each other the other night at practice, dumb ass." i said and sat down. "hush now tj, you know tyler here is sensitive about his radiating dumb bitch energy" reed joked. i kind of missed them, my friends i mean. some of them weren't bad. well, two of them weren't bad. the others were bullies. which is okay, right? because that's what i was- i mean am. i am. i took a bite of a french fry, this whole thing felt right, but wrong. i just need to forget him. i need to forget how he made me feel, and how much i wanted to be close to him, and how much i want to protect him. i mean wanted.