I 💖 u even if u dont love me back

Missing part

From the moment I saw him I knew this was worth the broken heart

Naina

From last couple of days I've been avoiding all his thoughts. Joined my other friends for silly games, sleepover or coffee dates. Everything went smooth. Worked on my projects, applied to different universities.

But something, a huge part of me is missing.

i can't quite decipher what's that.

Well, even if I can, I don't want to admit.

Although I laugh that doesn't remove the weight from off my chest. The smile doesn't reach my eyes.

I'm just going with the flow, in order to survive.

The term of living has no meaning to me for now.

I just want it to pass anyhow. All of it the numbness, emptiness or the sudden heavy feelings.

A desperate part of me is ushering me call him and listen to that heavy voice and the sound of his laughter.

Something is urging me to look at the smiling face of him and hide in the depth of those drowning eyes, away from this brutal reality and cruel world, crawling into his embrace.

But my mind is set, I won't allow any weakness. I don't want those unnecessary tears and helplessness.

It's better to remain numb than feeling weak.

The strange anger is better than tears and the irritation towards everything is better than remembering him by seeing everything.

Then again there‘s this heart!

Which is always at his side.

Which craves for him no matter through what I go because of him.

This stupid heart never learns.

It never gets that feeling like this is not okay. Craving for him is not okay. It never understands that it's possible to live without his presence.

It's possible to feel happy even after shutting him out. It's possible to feel okay and go a second without aching for him.

No matter in whichever way I try, no matter how many funny movies I try to watch or whatever I do, something remains incomplete.

There's this constant, numbing yet significant, ache. Nothing feels real.

The nightmares keep coming back The darkness keeps swallowing the remaining pieces.

I just want a normal day, a day without his thoughts. 0r without looking at my switched off phone and wondering if he tried to contact me.