Clustered Thoughts

#9 Caged Butterfly

I wanted to do this, I wanted to try that, I wanted to see this and this and this. But I'm caged. To where? I don't know.

I love exploring things, but I just can't? You know? Strict rules matter! I wanted to discover all the potentials I wanted to but I just can't, why? Strict rules matter!

They always tell me, I'm always living on my comfort zone, but haven't they thought, it's them who let me stay in my comfort zone. Whenever I wanted to try something, no this is harmful, no this is against this and that. Haven't they thought of my potentials? I didn't know where to place myself. It felt like they only see me as a person good in academe, but never in the reality.

You should try this and this and that. Let go of what is hindering you. But haven't they thought sometimes they are the one hindering me bacause of their strict rules? So what if I made a mistake? Atleast I've learned. So what if I got harmed? Atleast next time, I'll be careful.

I get frustrated thinking I'm getting old and I still knew nothing in life. They are pushing me to try this and that and that, but whenever its possible to try, strict rules matter again!

My potentials to fly and soar high to the realities of the world was caged. It was like I'm always living in this fantasy world where I'm always protected. Don't get me wrong, I like being protected but please never on the things I love to try. My potentials to school were high, but my potentials to survive the realities of the world are poor.

I'm getting frustrated to do things I wanted to try on my own, but strict rules matter! I wish I can do this and that and this and that. But I can't because I'm caged.

So please don't tell me to be confident in facing everything, when in fact, I'm caged for a long time and my wings are paralyzed for a long time because of your hindrances.

I wish I can do something, like how somebody can do that. I'm getting older but it seems my potentials are just like those of younger.

I'm hungry for adventure and exploration, no not to the negative point, but in the positive. I hate this routines. I love to discover myself but strict rules matter.

And I hate myself more for not fighting back and telling them how much I  wanted to discover myself and build that hidden confidence in me. I want to explore myself and to where limits I can go beyond. But that will never happened because I'm in a cage filled with strict rules, to the point you don't know where to place yourself.

I would always console myself that someday I can do all those things, but I don't know when is that someday is. I just hope I still have the same drive and passion when that someday comes.

Goodnight.