His Possession

Chapter 35 - Routine

Your P.O.V

It's the third day of being stuck in this bland and tatty room now, but it felt no different than yesterday. The same things happened. Matsuda would bring me my meals and chat to me cheerfully - it was the only highlight of my day, then Ryuzaki would ask me the same questions which I'd reply with the same answer, then Ryuk would come in every now and then to just watch me silently. It was boring. It was dreadful. It was lonely.

I thought of Light most of today, just like yesterday. I wondered how he was coping and thought of how much he'd miss me. He seemed to be the only person in the world that I cared about right now, I couldn't focus on anything else. I'd stare into space with tired eyes, I couldn't sleep last night, it was difficult without him. My eyelids would start drooping every few seconds but I couldn't sleep. I fidgeted with the hem of my sleeves, I had nothing else to do. It's only been two days and a half now but I'm already bored to death. I counted with my fingers three times to make sure, tomorrow is a new Year. This is not how I imagined spending my Christmas holiday and New Years Eve.

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It wasn't until a week had passed that I started to feel crazy. I gripped the back of my head while lying down on the bed and willed tears to spill down my face, I wanted to feel something but I can't even cry anymore. I've been crying too much now. I now longed for a shower as well as Light, my hair felt greasy and my forehead was oily, I shivered in disgust. I still had the same shirt on as I did last week, despite it smelling a little now I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I tried eating the first few days I spent in here, I tried for Light - but, I've seemed to lost heart now. It's only been a week but it feels like months since I've seen him now. I had to do the same routine everyday, I'm now utterly sick of just seeing the same four walls. So, I stopped eating. Perhaps when they realise I'm starving myself, they'll have to do something and let me see Light. I longed to see my family again but I craved to see Light more, he seemed the most important to me right now.

Whenever Matsuda would drop off my food, I'd only give the tray a single glance before looking away and staring into space again sadly. I occasionally slumped out of bed to have a sip of water, but that's all. I didn't touch my food. The meals didn't look particularly appetising anyway, I had the same food everyday. Porridge and milk for breakfast, Roast for lunch with some water, Pasta with cheese on top for dinner - with yet more water. It's not that I didn't like these meals, I'm just sick of having the same thing. It leaves a foul taste in my mouth now and it feels like I'm chewing on cardboard. I just sleep through my aching stomach and hope to dream of Light.

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After a day of starving myself, everyone noticed straight away. One lunchtime, Ryuzaki came into the room himself, which confused me a little. I sat up in bed and glared at him. "What do you want?"I asked huffily. Ryuzaki was holding a bowl in his hand, lifting it up a little as he spoke,"I can see you're getting fed up of these meals, here, something sweet might cheer you up." I peered a little to see two scoops of vanilla ice cream with strawberry sauce drizzled on top. It looked tempting to eat but I wasn't going to give in so easily. I scrunched up my nose and jumped off the bed, walking over to Ryuzaki.

My steps were wobbly since I haven't been walking much, but I continued to glare at him with confidence. When I was stood in front of him I stared into his eyes angrily. "Yes, because a dessert will cheer me up,"I said sarcastically. I smacked the bowl out of his hand making it fall to the floor and smash. Surprisingly Ryuzaki just sighed a little, he didn't seem to show anger.

My gaze dropped to the floor, I don't know why I wanted to make him angry in the first place. Nothing feels real. I then stared down at the broken pieces of the bowl, very sharp, jagged edges. For one crazy second, I had an awful idea. My hand was automatically reaching for a piece, I'm not going to end myself, I just want to feel something. I snatched one up quick and already started digging the sharp edge into my wrist drawing blood and causing what I believed to be the most pain I've ever had. Ryuzaki suddenly gasped and placed his hand over mine to stop me, he took the piece away and shouted for the others to help him. I started panicking and picked up another piece from the floor, determined to keep going. I started screaming when Ryuzaki restrained me from going further, some other guys came in to help.

Three guys held me down on the bed, one of them holding a syringe up to my neck to calm me down. I burst into tears when he did that, reminding me painfully of the first night Light took me. It wasn't a pleasant memory but I'd still do anything to be with Light again. I squirmed and cried and screamed beneath the men apprehending me until I calmed and fell unconscious.