Against The Wall

Chapter One

Love Quarrel Stirs Violence among High School Teachers. I can just picture the headlines if I were to lose control and hit that hussy square in the jaw.

But there she goes looking all superior, and I feel the urge to rip out her dark brown extensions and shove them straight down her throat. As tempting as it may be, I know for the sake of my career, I can't just haul off and knock someone out and especially not over a guy. What kind of example would I be setting in a hallway full of hormonal adolescent students? So I guess I can understand why someone at work is not encouraged, especially when I want to punch that man-stealing whore. If she wasn't such a floozy, maybe I could move on. Maybe I wouldn't want him back so badly if he had left me for someone less sleazy. Not this waif in 6-inch stilettos, acrylic nails, smothered in every possible product from the MAC counter. But this is who - or what - he chose. And yes, I still want him so bad it hurts.

A group of chatty kids snap me out of my frenzy.

"Check her out. I'd like to tap that ass," a squirrely freshman boy say, raising eyebrows at the previously mentioned man-stealing whore, my colleague - a science teacher - walking down the hall as if it were an America's Next Top Model runway. if she was in my class, I'd send her out for dress code violations on a daily basis. There's no doubt she heard him too, and liked it. If only I was a student again, I'd be tempted to stick glue in her body lotion during gym. That would wipe the smile off her face.

"I know right, if she were homework, I'd do her every night," his friend replies. They slap hands wildly in agreement. Great. Not only do half the male teachers here want her, the students are even drooling over this hoochie.

"Gross," one of the girls in the huddle says, smacking boy #2 in the chest.

Another young lady chimes in, "Dude, she's a teacher. That's so wrong."

"So, Boy #1 retorts. "I'm sure teachers like to get it on." He pumps his hips back and forth, reminding me of Peewee from the old Porky's movies. Sucking back the urge to gag, I have to stop myself from going over to them and smacking him in the back of the head. Little pervert.

"Eww. They're so old. That's just nasty on is many levels." Girl #2 shudders at the thought. Now, I want to smack her.

"Yeah, it's like admitting our parents have sex. There's no way teachers do it," Girl #1 adds. Okay I'm about to do a whole heck if a lot of smacking. These children are going to need ice packs when I'm done with them for all their stupid talk. We're teachers, not nuns sand priests. No vow of celibacy here.

"Thanks," he pauses, staring her down. "You totally killed it." Boy #2 stalks off into class. The others follow, snickering.

Brats!

The bell rings. A few stragglers rush through the door just as I'm about to close it, and I have the overwhelming desire to change my welcome back spiel.

Good morning losers! Just an FYI. Teachers do have sex. Just like we eat, shit and sleep everyday. We also have to go to the grocery store so don't be in shock when you see me at Albertson's and I have a box if Tampax in my cart. I also have to buy clothes, so you might also see me at the mall and if you even make a face when I hit the dressing room with a year's supply of Spanx, I may be forced to mark your papers with a big fat bleeding F for the rest of the year. So, yes, teachers have sex! And it's not gross and it's not like your parents doing it either. But for crying out loud, gentlemen, don't go blind fantasising about that skank you saw in the hall. She doesn't have sex. She just fucks.

Damn it. Listening to student chatter before class has totally thrown me for a loop. I'm totally off my first-day-of-school game. My students are looking up at me like little puppies wanting table food, and I don't have any scraps. I can't think of shit to say.