Dear Emma, Love Killian. |COMPLETED|

Day 2

Dear Emma,

It's Killian here again. I've decided to write to you right now because I have so many emotions, so many things to say, that... Well it's killing me inside again.

I sat with you on your bed today and held your hand tight, I keep gripping it in the hope that if I squeeze it hard enough, you'll come back to me or at least you'll know that I'm here waiting for you.

I promised you I wouldn't cry and I'm trying my absolute hardest to, but it's so hard. I can't help but let out a rainfall of tears when I'm holding you tight and you don't hold me tight back.

I told your parents today Swan, I called them on your box. Your password is still the same, you never changed it. It's still my birth year, it's still the same as it has been since the day I met you. This made me smile and cry a little knowing that after everything, your password is still the same as it has always been and you never changed it.

I called your Mum and she picked up the box in a happy voice thinking it was you. God how I wish it was you who answered. The amount of things I would do to make it be you are unbelievable.

I told her what happened and her and David came down to see you as quick as they could. They were just as scared as I was, as I am.

When they got here I told them what the doctors said and that made me cry. It got me thinking also. If I take one more step away, that'll be it, you'll be gone.

I don't want to live without you Swan. The world is already a horrible place as it is and it's going to be even worse without you. Please don't leave me.

Please don't take the final step and go, stay with me. Even if your only hanging on by a singular thread, it doesn't matter, I'm going to wind you back in and hold you tight. Once again, I'll hold you tight and this time, this time Emma, I won't let you go.

Then your parents told me to go home and clean myself up and eat. I refused, as cleansiness and starvation will not step in the way of me getting you back.

Your parents had to force me a lot to actually consider to leave the hospital and in the end they did. It took a lot of persuasion and in the end it worked. The only way it worked was them telling me that they wouldn't leave your sight and would keep you close.

After lots of persuasion I finally let go of your hand and let you go. I left the hospital forcing myself not to turn around and run back to you, every acre of my body holding me back, pushing me forward.

On the way back, I passed Granny's diner and looked through the window at the table we used to sit at for our breakfast. I felt an emptiness in my heart which was so deep it took over me again.

I looked around again and my eyes were cast to the place which you asked me out on our first date. I smiled to myself, but that was turned to an abundance of regret and sadness as I carried on walking past.

I saw Regina and Belle at Granny's and of course they had lots of questions. You would think that they would know the baseline of the story considering the fact that your mother can't keep secrets. Yes Swan, I know, you can try and convince me otherwise, but that's the truth and she can't. I told them what happened and they passed there condolences but I ignored them and ran home. If I stayed, I would've broke down again.

It's a funny thing to call it home when I imagined home to be the place we would both be arriving back together and starting our new life. But things change, and in this case, it was for the worse.

When I got back home I opened the door using our spare key and looked around. It was such a mess inside and there was mud everywhere. I ignored this and went to the kitchen my heart still aching with all the sadness and pain.

The one thing which drew my attention was the piece of paper and the pen on kitchen table. I walked over and looked over at it and picked the pen up. The lid was half of the pen and I looked at the paper and realised a word was half scribbled out. Then it occured to me Emma.

You were going to write me a letter. I can't believe I didn't notice it before. You were actually going to write me a letter. It's funny though to think about it. Something that small I would've treasured forever if I knew that this was going to happen.

I had to use every bone of mine to stop myself from breaking down on the spot and to stop me from falling down to my knees. I dropped the pen and trying to control my tears, ran up the stairs to our room.

Our room was just as I left it, messy and unclean. The duvet was still in one heap in the corner of bed on my side and your part had nothing on it.

Your pillows were scattered across the room where I had thrown them in all the anger of you leaving me. I thought that I did something wrong when you left me and that it was all my fault and all of that relinquished me inside.

I just stood looking into the blankness of your room until all my emotions escaped by body and I fell into the bed on your side and cried into your pillow.

The only thing which has kept me going through all of today is the hope that one day, even if it is a week, a month or even a year from now you'll come back to me.

Until then Emma, I'll be waiting for you, no matter how many tears I cry or how many nights are restless, I'll always wait for you.

One day you'll be back with me because your strong enough to get through this and hopefully, hopefully so am I.

I even got you a hot cocoa with cinnamon and whilst I'm writing this it is still on your bedside, waiting for you to come back and drink it.

And I'm waiting too, but don't worry Em, I'll keep waiting.

No matter what, I won't stop.

Love Killian.