Ivory Shadow

Chapter Four: Wonder

Friday came so quickly that I almost forgot about my inner commitment I had made to join the youth group, so instead of walking to school I drove. As I pulled in the school parking lot with my rusty beater I saw a group of kids about my age surrounding a brand new mini coupe that probably cost more than my house. Instantly, I saw Rowan among the group. His gray eyes tore into mine, then instantly shot down. I felt so terrible for how I had been treating him, I must have made him feel like he had the plague.

I realized the only spot left was, you guessed it, next to the beautiful new shiny car. I felt tight in my throat as I pulled in carefully keeping my eyes fixed ahead of me not to draw too much attention. "Wait who is that?" "I don't know, I don't recognize her" "She looks sickly, she should put on makeup." I could hear them trying to whisper. Then the guys started up. "Nah I'd still hit that." said a bigger jock with blonde hair, who I thought I recognized from my younger days as Timmy, who used to wet himself every time his mom dropped him in grade school.

If I had a normal functioning brain, I'm sure I could have said this out loud to him, or called out the girl who thought I needed make up that she herself could really use a lot less. But these words just soak into my brain and I will over analyze them all day, probably all weekend. I slowly gathered my books, adjusted my glasses and booked it into the school. "Hey wait up!" I heard behind me. I turned around, my cheeks brightening. "So will today be the day we finally get to talk?"

I took a deep breath as my heart raced and beads of sweat gathered on my forehead. "I'm really sorry, about avoiding you, I don't do well in social situations, as I'm sure you've realized by now." I said quickly and quietly. "Don't worry about it, people tend to avoid me." he said with a wink. "I just wanted to make sure what those idiots were saying didn't affect you, sometimes people are really that immature." "I'm ok, thank you though." I felt like everything that I said was so pointless in comparison. He was so smooth. We stood there for a minute, awkwardly staring at each other, no doubt waiting for the other to speak and break the silence. Then the bell rang. "I better go." I said as I started walking away. "Wait I never did get your name!" he called after me. "It's Ivory, Ivory Garland." I caught his smirk as I strolled away quickly, feeling slightly faint from using all my strength to focus on the short conversation. I sat down at my desk, replaying that experience over and over, giving me butterfly's when I saw his crooked smile in my head, then instant dread when I thought of a million other ways I could've responded, and then of course drifting back to what the other kids had said about me, it was just a never ending cycle that kept playing, I couldn't focus. The florescent lights started to mess with my head, and I felt like I was going to pass out. I flew past my history teacher without even explaining myself. But apparently I have a reputation of psychotic episodes because he didn't try to stop me.

These little anxiety attacks were more burdensome than anything at school, and mostly, just embarrassing. Usually I would try to make it to the nurse's office, drink some water, then deep breathe until I could function enough to head back to class, but history was the farthest class from there, and there was not a soul in the hallway. I leaned against the cold wall and slid down with my face pressed against the drywall. I started to catch my breath, and then I saw someone jogging towards me. "Oh no..." I groaned quietly. "Hey, are you alright? You look a little sick." Rowan said as he leaned down. "Sorry, I'm ok really, I just need a breather." my heart was fluttering, but I couldn't tell if it was from my anxiety or those piercing eyes boring into mine. "Yeah I think we all need a breather once in awhile, mind if I join?" How could I say no to that kind of charm? I managed a nod. "So Ivory. You draw?" "I do. Well, I try at least. Just as a hobby." "Well from what I saw in the forest you do more than "try" Maybe I can take a look at more of your art sometime?" I wasn't sure how to respond. No one ever has shown an interest in me, much less my art. My heart pounded in my chest. "Really? I mean you wanna look at my sketches? Sorry, yes you can of course! If you really want to, I mean I suppose you do otherwise you wouldn't of asked...erm." Words flooded out before I could stop myself. He chuckled quietly, a sound that made my heart melt. "Definitely, I would love to see them. What are you up to after school? Theres a youth group that meets downtown if you wanna come by, you could bring your sketches. If your interested that is." What were the odds we were going to end up at the same youth group center? "That's so strange I was going to come to that youth group session, my art teacher mentioned that a group of teens meet on Fridays." "Perfect, I'll see you there then. Well, if you're ok I better get back to class, but I'm looking forward to tonight." he winked and got up. "I'm feeling better, thanks for sitting with me, and I'll see you later." As he walked away I had the realization that I was having a date at a youth group. Where I will have to talk about my issues. I didn't think this through.