Ivory Shadow

Chapter Five: Surprises

I managed to make it through the rest of the day, as slow as it was, school was finally over and my heart dropped as I sat in my car debating on if I could go. I rolled up the sleeves on my white shirt, threw my hair up and let the sun soak into my skin. I came to the conclusion that, I couldn't let myself mess up with Rowan again, I made a commitment and I would follow through, panic attacks or not. My hands reached for the keys and my car roared to life, and I pulled out of the parking lot. Our small town of Cherry Creek was full of farm land, but has a small downtown with simple necessities.  I spotted the youth center and pulled into a parking spot. I mustered up what little confidence I had, and walked inside. I saw the sign for the teen group and took a deep breath and walked inside. There were some chairs in a small circle, and some kids standing around talking. "Ivory hey!" I heard Rowan say my name. I shot him a small smile and walked over to sit next to him. "So I think we have a few minutes before we start, what do you think can I see your sketches?" My hand hovered over my book, I realized how personal this was going to be, I used art to work through my depression. There was a lot of graphic work from my past and I was worried I may scare him. "I do want to warn you first about some of my art, sometimes it's not "pretty" It may seem a little strange." I said quietly. "I'm not sure art is always about the beauty, but the message that's hidden. That's why I was so fascinated by yours, I wanted to see what else you had up your sleeve." He flashed that crooked smile. I handed him my art, and suddenly felt very self conscience. I studied his face as he flipped through the pages. Sometimes it showed concern, then curiosity, and concern again. Many emotions played on his face, and I found myself not as concerned with being self conscience anymore, but wondering what was really going through his head right now? I'm sure he thought I was some dark pathetic suicidal girl, which was not what I wanted him to think of me. Finally, he started to speak; "Ivory, these are so beautiful, you have amazing talent. I really think you should pursue art in some way you could seriously make a difference in people's lives." This was not what I was expecting. 

"Ok kids, why don't we all sit down and start shall we?" said a tall dark haired women with brown eyes and tan skin. She wore business looking attire, with spiky black heels and held a thick clipboard and pen. My heart sank as I remembered why I was here in the first place. She sat a few seats over from me, and right next to Rowan. "So let's start with introductions, my name is Noel Bernard, I'm the new youth group instructor, We will be meeting every Friday to help talk about any sort of concerns, or issues you might be going through, maybe dealing with depression, anxiety or OCD, let's go around the circle starting with my son Rowan here, we can introduce ourselves if you comfortable then we can talk." This was Rowan's mother? It made sense why he would be here, and they definitely look alike, the tan skin and dark hair, but she seemed so young to have a kid in high school. "Hey everyone, I'm Rowan Bernard, I've dealt with depression since I was young and having support similar to groups like his in the past has really help me to overcome hardships I've faced, it makes me feel less alone and comfortable knowing I can talk freely here and I can expect like minds to understand what I go through, and I hope it can do the same for you all. I love being outside and hiking, I play sports, I'll be trying out for the football team this year, and I love to read as well." I was shocked, I never would've expected someone as seemingly outgoing and charismatic to deal with depression, it all clicked together for me. He must have known I was going through similar things and that's why he wanted to meet here. It was sweet, but I realized it would be my turn now and my face went pale. I didn't think I could speak, especially after Rowan's brave speech, so I just shyly shook my head at Rowan hoping he would understand. His face gave me comfort when he smiled and looked at the girl with curly black locks next to me. "And Nala wasn't it? I met you briefly when you came in, would you like to introduce yourself?" As Nala went on to explain her story, I sank a little into my seat, feeling embarrassment knowing everyone knew it was my turn and I wouldn't go, but at the same time relief that I didn't have to spill my guts to strangers. I wasn't sure I was ready for that.  

The group made it's way back to the front and as each person went, the more comfortable I was becoming, which was not what I expected. Hearing problems you've dealt with, or going through makes you feel just like Rowan explained, Not so alone. Also at the same time, it was slightly difficult to hear the harder stuff that some were facing, the more darker and real things brought up bad memories, but them explaining they were here and ready to get better helped me to breathe and hold back the tears. "Very good everyone, I think seeing as it's the first session and we've made introductions we can use the rest of the time we have to just socialize and relax, then next week we can try some exercises and more group talk, so for now I'll leave you all to it and I will see you next week." Everyone slowly started to get up and start chatting, and Rowan's mom turned towards us. "You must be Ivory, I'm so glad to meet you, Ro mentioned he would invite you to come. What did you think?" she had such a calm collected manner that I didn't feel overly anxious. "It was encouraging actually, my art teacher told me there was a group starting to meet here so I was pretty curious, I'm excited for next week." Did I really say I was excited for next week? When I first heard of this group I thought maybe I might try it once and find that it wasn't helping or that my anxiety would be too much to handle coming. Now I found myself curious and wanting to know more, also getting to know Rowan was a feeling of excitement I'd never known before.  "That's wonderful to hear! I'm looking forward to seeing you again, Ro I'll see you later Mon ch'eri." She gave him a kiss on the head and elegantly left the room. "You're mom is so beautiful, and sweet." I couldn't help but saying. "Thank you, she's definitely one of a kind. Ivory, would you like to get coffee sometime? Maybe tomorrow afternoon?"