Falling for the impossible (Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 24

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Blake's POV

I walked into the building I swore I would never visit. The building that honestly, scared me and chilled me to the bone just when I looked at it. The fact that they had three fences topped with barbed wire didn't make it any worse. It smelled like beer and cigarettes and I couldn't help but couch loudly every time someone smoked next to me. Yup, I was terrified. I heard men whistle as I walked by and I tried not to make eye contact not letting my eyes wander from the back of the man leading me to my booth. He had a very deep voice and I jumped whenever he talked.

He led me out of the hall and into a room with guards at every corner, ready to jump when anything happened. He led me over to a chair and gestured for me to sit down. He quickly walked away knowing I wanted to be alone. I picked up the phone on the side of the booth and looked through the thin sheet of bullet proof glass that separated me from the person I had called earlier. The boy that made my life so screwed up.

Jake had some questions he needed to answer for me. 

He stared back at me, but something was different about him. Not completely, but something. He looked back at me but not like he usually did. I met his eyes that looked at me with..was it concern? Regret? I didn't know, I hadn't seen this look on him in a long, long time. At first all I could hear was his short even breathing coming from the other side of the phone which seemed like forever to me, when I decided to finally break the silence.

"How are you?" I asked him, not knowing what else to say. His expression didn't change at all, as if he hadn't heard me. He just kept his eyes locked with mine until he decided to answer, but it wasn't what I expected to come out of his mouth, ever.

"I'm sorry" He said. I felt my jaw drop but quickly shut my mouth trying not to be rude. I didn't know what to say. He said it differently from every other time he told me this. He used to say it after every time he hurt me, he never meant it. But I didn't know that. But when he said it this time, it sounded different, like he was sincere. I stared at him in awe at his words, not just his words but how he had said them, the way his voice changed, changed back to when we had first met.

"I have some questions for you" I told him. He nodded not saying anything more on the subject, as if he understood how confused I was, not just about him but about everything. When we first started dating he always told me he could read me like a book, I guess that had never changed. Or maybe it was just coming back.

You might think by what I'm thinking that I'm falling for him again, or starting to trust him. You're wrong, I'm far from that. When someone hurts you as much as he did to me, you can never look at them the same. Ever.

"Did you ever really love me? Like truly want to be with me and only me?" I asked him my lips just opening so I would say anything too loud, scared someone around me would hear me and think I was crazy for asking him this.

He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand as if he was deep in thought about what to say. The thing that surprised me was I didn't mind, yes it bothered me a little bit, but it would bother anybody. I just wanted to know the truth.

"Yes, I loved you. I just, there's no excuse for what I did, I could search for years looking at some diseases that you can get and become...like me, but I except responsibility for it. I think I was in lvoe with you, but honestly. I will never be sure if I loved you, or loved...hurting you" He admitted now not meeting my eyes. I nodded taking in the information as best as I could. I sighed into the phone, realizing how hard this was going to be.

"I remember everything now" I told him through the phone. I heard his in take of breath at the surprise. He looked up at me his brown eyes now showing anger. 

"You remember me?" He asked me his voice...how to describe his voice, I almost want to say sharp. Like a dagger piercing you when you least expect it. I nodded, my voice suddenly gone, out of no where it just decided to leave me there. 

"Oh" He said, speechless not knowing what to say, both us felt the same way. Lost, confused, not expecting to see each other today, it wasn't like I woke up today and thought I was going to remember everything and think I was going to see the ex-boyfriend of mine that abused me for so many years. Who would've thought of that?

"Do you know why I called you?" I asked him pinching my eyes shut. I couldn't even look at him, knowing what I was going to say was going to burn in my throat and burn my tongue at how true the words were.

"You always pinch your eyes when you're upset or angry did you know that?" He asked me. I didn't look at him though.

"That's why" I whispered to him. I opened my eyes meeting his brown eyes. He gave me a confused expression not knowing what I meant,

"What?" He asked.

"That's why I called you, did you know you're the only person who actually knows me? The only person who knows almost everything about me? Isn't that crazy? I don't trust anybody anymore, it's weird to think that only one person, who I would never guess knows everything about me." I told him.

"Why did you come here?" He asked me. He didn't say it rudely, but honest curiousity edged in his voice. 

" I don't know" I whispered. Before he could answer I hung up the phone next to me. I quickly got up and walked out the door. I gave a weak smile to the man who had let me in and he just stood there and looked tough. I walked by the whistling men until I couldn't take it anymore I turned to them and yelled.

"YOU ARE ALL PIGS, I AM A WOMAN NOT A DOG YOU DON'T WHISTLE AT ME!" I screamed and ran out the door as I realized how silent the cells had gotten. I sighed as I faced the street thankful that the jail was close to the tour bus but in a safe area too. 

"Blake?" I turned around to see Zayn walking around by himself. He was wearing a navy blue and white varsity jacket and a pair of dark jeans. I gave him a small smile and walked over next to him, tears still in my eyes but not quite ready to fall. He smiled back but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I think we have some things to talk about" I told him linking arms with him and pulling him over to a bench. He looked at me suspicious and I just smiled.

"Remember when you found me crying and I told you my mom had kicked me out?" I asked him. He nodded.

"So do I" I whispered my smile growing bigger. He smiled and lifted me up in a hug and spun me around.

"YOU REMEMBER!" He yelled. I giggled at his reaction as he put me down and sat back down on the bench. 

" I remember everything, Harry, Niall, Liam, Louis, you and, everything in between" I joked. He smiled finally it had reached his eyes, he looked like a little kid on Christmas and it made me laugh every time he looked at me 

"Did you tell Harry?" He asked me, I frowned and shook my head, He nodded.

"What are you gonna do?" He asked me. I shrugged.

"He gave up on me, I loved him Zayn I still do, but he gave up on me so easily and he though I was cheating on me with one of his best friends, why would he do that Zayn?" I asked him refusing to let the tears fall. 

"He can't just think that now that I remember, everything is going to go back to normal, and Jason, he isn't gay he loves me" I told Zayn. His eyes popped when I told him about Jason. 

"What?" He asked. I nodded. He looked down at his watch and looked back up at me.

"It looks like we should be heading back" He told me. I nodded and he took my hand in a brotherly way almost, I know sister don't usually hold hands with brothers but it was no strings attached, no feelings just friends.

"You owe it to him to tell him, if you love him" Zayn told me. I nodded thinking of my choices.

One, I could not tell him and pretend I don't remeber still and see what he does

Two, I could tell him and everything would go back to the way it was even if I didn't want it to

Or three, I could just ignore him for the rest of the tour.

That one seemed impossible.

What do you think? What should she do? What about Jake what did you think of what he said? I wonder....... Comment and vote!