Falling out of love

Chapter 4.

The nightmares suffocated him. Sleep for the last few months was either restless or nonexistent. He spent most nights out of bed relishing the quiet as his wife slept in their bed. He had taken out his sketchbook once more to try and calm his overwhelming nerves. Sometimes it works, and when it didn't he would spend his time staring emptily out the window. 

These nightmares were pulling him away from things he used to love. He no longer woke up early to make Natasha her breakfast, instead, he ran almost 10 miles a day, thank god for his serum, to take his mind off the memories. Instead of date nights, he would be at his office falling into the motions of work. 

All of these things he was doing, pushing away from his everyday life, was starting to have a weigh on his relationship with Natasha. He loved holding her in his sleep, but with the nightmares haunting him he did want to wake her so he slept to his back to her. He was starting to become a little bit distant on an attempt to keep this to himself.  

Today was evidence of how far they have fallen apart. Clint and Laura invited them over for dinner and quality family time and the entire drive there was silent. The two, due to lack of sleep from both sides, ( Natasha didn't get sleep when Steve wasn't in bed with her anymore) had them both on the edge. 

"Nat, I uh think we should talk before we go in," Steve said as they have begun driving along with the dirt road leading to Barton's cozy farm. 

"What exactly do we need to talk about," Natasha asked. Ever since the party, which was almost a week ago, Natasha has been distant and cold, he knows why but he hasn't had the courage to talk to her about. He loved her dearly but he didn't want her to know about his nightmares because he was scared of what she would think he was anything less. He loved her and vowed to protect her, that's what he learned growing up, the man had to be there for the love of his life. 

"Listen I know things between us have been rough to say the very least-" he stopped because she let out a short amused laugh. Steve ruffled his eyebrows in confusion. 

"Steve you telling me that we need to talk is the most you have said to me in the last week!" She exclaimed it made Steve's heart clench in guilt. He knew he was being unfair not only to Natasha but to himself. They were just parking in the driveway when Steve started to speak once more. 

"Natasha, listen I know you are upset, however, you need to understand something." Steve stopped himself from speaking. He didn't know what to say exactly because nothing seemed right.   

"Steve..." Natasha sighed leaning her head up against the car chair closing her eyes very tight. "What did I do?" 

"You didn't do anything," he took a deep breath trying to find an answer, but his pause was longer then he could have expected. They both sat there listening to each other's breath in silence. Silence among them has never been an actual problem, at least until today. Steve did the worst thing he ever could have done at the moment, he looked at her and saw tears running down her face. His heart clenched and all he wanted to do was hold her, but she was too mad and upset at him to do that. 

"You have always been a horrible liar." She said under her breath, " and I know you aren't lying right now, and that probably hurts more." He saw her trying to hold back her sobs. "Which means it was you, and I don't wanna know what happened." She said shaking her head as if the worst things were popping up in her head. 

"It's not what you think-" 

"No I don't wanna hear it," She said forcefully. "Let's just go and pretend like none of this is happening."