pls vote on this chapter and reply with some inline and/or main comments to let me know what you think of my review so that I know you have it. Your response too would be greatly appreciated. <3
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THE COVER AND TITLE
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Overall, the cover is nice. It has an angsty touch to it which I sitting for the title and the font of the words complement the theme. Your title is short and sweet, it couldn't be better, it doesn't give away too much which is good.
SUMMARY
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Okay so overall I really like the grammar in your summary, its very vivid and interesting to read.
Although the opening "She is a broken heart locked in a huge wall of tower" sounds awkward so I suggest that you change it up.
The second paragraph "she loved, she got broken." also sounds quite awkward something along the lines of "the act of love, broke her." would sound more fitting.
I also feel that after the second paragraph there are a lot of unneeded questions in your summary.
Sometimes these questions can answer themselves even without the reader opening the book so I suggest you to refrain from usage of questions in your summary. The reader will want to read more if you leave it off more open-ended, this makes them think of the question themselves and read to find the answer.
THE CHARACTER(S)
After the intense prologue we are introduced to Cee in a contrastingly, funny and subtle way which I though was really nice.
The relationship she has with her brother is cute and realistic, along with your good grammar it makes for a very nice read.
The relationship that Cee and Lee share with Gib also nice as it varies by adding tension.
In the first chapter itself (after the flashback) we are also introduced to her best friends Jazz and Faye who seem like two interesting characters although I must add that introducing a whole ton of characters in the first chapter can be confusing to readers.
The introduction to Yannah is gradual and un-rushed.
I must add that I feel you have put some though into your characters as they are lively and feel well drafted.
GRAMMAR
pay attention to the use of tenses (minor)
I really like your grammar throughout the prologue, its refreshing to read but I did come across one place in it where there was an unnecessary 'fucking'. Trust me when I say I love swearing but when you say 'fucking chick flicks' to express her anger there are better ways to.
On the structure of your work I would also like to add that you should break your paragraphs more often, reading on wattpad is different to reading on a book. In a book its easy to read paragraphs that can be half a page long but on wattpad its difficult to read a paragraph that extends 3-5 sentences.
I really like your use of dialogue and how you punctuate them properly.
again, show-not-tell in some other areas of your writing when you explain how characters communicate. (When you say 'I tell him seductively' and 'lust'. I would recommend that you also give some explicit imagery to make it a bit more intense.)
Plus, I like how you ended the first chapter, defiantly adds more suspense.
In the second chapter I find the conversation between Yannah and Cee a bit confusing.
PLOT
We follow Cee through her life balancing out Uni life. I find this plot very cute tbh, I feel like there are some other books out there with the same plot but its also not too overused. Its simplistic and can be relatable for the demographic of wattpad.
Okay, so by the look of your cover, the prologue and the ending of the first chapter I really thought that this was going to be a sort of a slight mystery novel but as I read through until the second I feel that it is more of a an angsty heartbreak.
This is nothing bad but i feel that the intensity radiating from the prologues and summary kind of dim down once people realise they're reading a sort of romance?
But I shouldn't be too soon to judge as I have only read until the second chapter so there may be something nefarious looming around the corners.
EXTRAS
I really cannot complain too much about your book as I really like your grammar.
Although, I do feel that the structure of your book could do with some paragraphing.
+ I feel that some elements of your book can become a bit misleading and deviate from the real concept / ideology of the book.
Although I really like your characters and your dialogues I do feel that when they are conversing you can make them sound more real by adding some 'umms' or unique quirks that they do without knowing ex: biting fingernails etc to add to how real they are.
I noticed that in one place a character was playing with her hair, moments like these are really nicety read past as they start feeling like a real person so defiantly add more of that.
OVERALL SCORE : 7/10
(note: the editing is honestly perfect just run through your tenses in some phrases, I only found like two of these minor inconveniences. Good luck with your work in the future, Cham)
