there'll Be a Miracle.

sorry.

is this reasonable?
losing a lot of confidence just because of a friendship.

I don't blame them, really.

I'm just upset with myself.
I'm upset because I can't give more to this friendship.

I'm stupid, I know.

running endlessly in an imaginary world.
even though life isn't just about that.

but I did not stop my steps.

I pursue nothing.

I am blind with kindness.
and stuck because of naivety.

"It shouldn't be like this."

-  yes, it shouldn't be like this if you can open your eyes and stop being childish.

how stupid I am.

fighting with myself.

I don't understand many things.

how people can wear many masks for everyone.

people can't refuse other than by hiding behind excuses.

"I want to talk! I want to express my opinion!"
but in fact I was silent and could only nod. my mouth didn't say a word.
and in the end I will wear a mask.

playing with my role.
so do other people.

I don't want to be greedy, arrogant, and demeaning.
so I decided to just shut up.
and die inside.

hiding tears with a smile of happiness.

put out my best acting.

issued my best (fake) smile.

Thank you for teaching me well.
teach me how to cry in silence.
but I did it myself.

I don't want to blame everyone.
because I hate myself too.

"Are you not tired? Run like that all the time?"

-i'm tired.

"stop. you can tell me about everything. I will listen to it well."

-bullshit.

"walk slowly. I will always be your friend and be by your side."

- so what? now you leave me alone. you betrayed me.

I shouldn't have told you then and cried in front of you.

now I know the meaning left behind.

at that time ...
you shouldn't have to hold my hand,
you don't have to say that everything will be fine if you finally leave me.

I miss your call, my friend.

I used to say that I considered you as my own sister.

the person I really want to look after and care about.

but it looks like you don't feel the same way.

in the end I am still me.

a stupid girl and hopes for more.